"Chris, Thank you! So touched you think I have a calming influence. Billie certainly did, so maybe that is one of the many cherished gifts he bequeathed me. May your day be musical and again, thank you also for your gentle…"
"Sueprnova thank you and very well put about the dying dog, you are so right .Rather than going back to the playground scenario and saying "my dad's bigger than your dad" and categorizing grief in order of importance …"
"Chris, realizing that this last response of mine can't be seen except by someone on your page, and really wanting to reach more - you have my permission to copy and paste it into a comment on Widowed in 2012, quoting me, if you like. …"
I can't comment directly on your post on the Widowed in 2012 page, so doing so here. Just to thank you for sharing your alternative thoughts with us, because I think you are right, and your way of seeing is a good goal, a…"
"Alternative thought for the day, what gives us the right to be so judgemental on people who are only trying to be thoughtful and show concern,ok admittedly this is often in a in a clumsy way but at least the thought is there and…"
Chris, Thank you! So touched you think I have a calming influence. Billie certainly did, so maybe that is one of the many cherished gifts he bequeathed me. May your day be musical and again, thank you also for your gentle suggestions that we extend love and understanding to those around us. I like your input, immensely, and that you speak even when you are the only one to bring up the viewpoint you have...it is always valuable. Best wishes. Always.
I agree-----at least our friends or family is trying to give comfort ....sometimes you hear just the word you need ....other times not ....but they're THERE & trying...that's what counts! I get so sick of people having to say "I'm SO sorry ". But sometimes that's all that can be said! Cathy
I can't comment directly on your post on the Widowed in 2012 page, so doing so here. Just to thank you for sharing your alternative thoughts with us, because I think you are right, and your way of seeing is a good goal, a suggested guide, for those of us hurting so badly. With time, I think we learn to forgive folks their clumsiness, to realize they are trying, like you say. I think we lash out here, angrily, because we are hurting so incredibly badly, that we want to hit anyone who doesn't get how bad it is... (understandably, often) from our own frustration and pain. I reposted something the other day on Facebook, that talked about when someone attacks you emotionally, it is often because they are hurting so badly, and really doesn't have to do with you at all. Maybe this is the flip side of that. We may be doing this to well-meaning friends who are just clueless about what to say. I mean, with as agonizing as this is, can we really blame folks for being tongue-tied and terrified by what we represent? This reality is agony, for so long, no one wants to face it in their own future. We are reminders that it really does happen. We just hurt so badly, we ache for the "right kind" of comfort, of course. But, hold on to those who do know how to deal, often others who have lost like we have...and yes, try to forgive the rest for being just so human. I also think we are affected by our society's avoidance of this subject...we have so little clear guidance in how to deal with death and bereavement. Some societies really do a better job of incorporating the grieving and knowledge of death into life. As well as providing ritual, support and other means of coping with it, when death does leave one person widowed. Other societies are often much more supportive of their widows and widowers, than this western one we're (mostly, not all of us here) living in. Anyway, thanks for light on the path, Chris, your alternative views are welcome.
Or should it be Cherrio?:). ThAt word to us Southerners is a breakfast cereal
I love to find the humor in life! Maters are tomatoes,okra(fried) a southern favorite,chittlins--fried chicken skin!...
And thankyou for your words of encouragement!
Sorry for your loss.... Cathy
He was a Londoner. I can never quite remember the name of the area, I am pretty sure it was Hounslow. I loved visiting London with him, because he was from there, but he hadn't lived there in many years, so he was like an excited tourist but with the street smarts! I've read many of your posts, and I am so sorry for your loss. Cancer just sucks. But I am glad that you had 6 more years with your wife after her initial diagnosis. I "hate" cancer for having taken my husband, but I don't blame medicine. There are a lot of people who survive cancer and whose lives are extended through the treatments out there. Grueling as they are. If I ever wind up with cancer, frankly, I have no idea what my decisions would be. As far as the British being eccentric, well, I love the Fanta t-shirt, THAT might be a little eccentric, but more so, I just like hearing different perspectives on things...perhaps a little less "drama" than we tend to have in this country.