chrism's Page

Also, thank you for your kind, lovely response to my video. You made my day. 

Chris, Thank you!  So touched you think I have a calming influence.  Billie certainly did, so maybe that is one of the many cherished gifts he bequeathed me.  May your day be musical and again, thank you also for your gentle suggestions that we extend love and understanding to those around us.  I like your input, immensely, and that you speak even when you are the only one to bring up the viewpoint you have...it is always valuable.  Best wishes. Always.

Chris, just realized, what I asked you to do wouldn't be quite ethical. About posting on the 2012 page.  I put it out on 2011 page.  So, thanks.

Chris,

I can't comment directly on your post on the Widowed in 2012 page, so doing so here.  Just to thank you for sharing your alternative thoughts with us, because I think you are right, and your way of seeing is a good goal, a suggested guide, for those of us hurting so badly.  With time, I think we learn to forgive folks their clumsiness, to realize they are trying, like you say.  I think we lash out here, angrily, because we are hurting so incredibly badly, that we want to hit anyone who doesn't get how bad it is... (understandably, often) from our own frustration and pain.  I reposted something the other day on Facebook, that talked about when someone attacks you emotionally, it is often because they are hurting so badly, and really doesn't have to do with you at all. Maybe this is the flip side of that.  We may be doing this to well-meaning friends who are just clueless about what to say.  I mean, with as agonizing as this is, can we really blame folks for being tongue-tied and terrified by what we represent?  This reality is agony, for so long, no one wants to face it in their own future.  We are reminders that it really does happen.  We just hurt so badly, we ache for the "right kind" of comfort, of course.  But, hold on to those who do know how to deal, often others who have lost like we have...and yes, try to forgive the rest for being just so human.  I also think we are affected by our society's avoidance of this subject...we have so little clear guidance in how to deal with death and bereavement.  Some societies really do a better job of incorporating the grieving and knowledge of death into life.  As well as providing ritual, support and other means of coping with it, when death does leave one person widowed.  Other societies are often much more supportive of their widows and widowers, than this western one we're (mostly, not all of us here) living in.  Anyway, thanks for light on the path, Chris, your alternative views are welcome.