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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

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  • Waukee, IA
  • United States
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Flannery's Blog

Ashes, Judgement and Mythical Closure

Posted on December 8, 2015 at 12:30pm 3 Comments

I glanced at the book Small Victories by Anne Lamont today and as I was getting ready to place it on a cart to be re-shelved a small voice inside said, ‘read this.’ I’m trying hard to listen to that voice and so I curiously opened it directly to a page where author Anne Lamont is recalling spreading her friend’s ashes.


This caught my attention fast. I still have most of John’s ashes except a few cups I released into Lake Michigan last year. I often think of releasing what is…


Death Is Not a Catalyst For Positive Change- So Please Shut-Up Already

Posted on November 20, 2015 at 9:30am 9 Comments

There are those memoirs or blogs or random stories of people who will tell you that something beautiful came out the death of their loved one. That they found their true calling or that they became more empathetic and kind, or that suddenly the fragility of life made them looked around and they became a better person in their world because of that death. Shut-up already, I haven't heard one actual person I know say that.

I don’t personally know one single person that has…


Showing Up, Sometimes That's The Best We Can Do

Posted on June 26, 2015 at 8:30pm 4 Comments

This week I attended the funeral of a friend’s mother. Since John died funerals are harder than they used to be. I flash back to few memories I have of the week John died, of his funeral, of his body there but not there. It’s hard to be present for others in their time of need when your mind flashes back to such trauma. But we try to be don’t we? The best we can, we try to…


Connect the Dots-A Fear Based Game

Posted on June 26, 2015 at 8:26pm 4 Comments

I’m wondering if anyone else goes through life trying to connect the dots? If anyone else out there looks at the weeks or months leading up to their person’s death and tries to see a pattern or warnings that they might have missed the first time in an attempt to keep it from happening again? Then again-maybe it’s just my special brand of crazy talking here. My deep desire for some sort of logic or understanding or feeble idea of control around the uncontrollable.  Either way, this week I…


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At 3:05pm on June 30, 2014, HeartsForever said…

Flannery....I am so sorry I have not sent a comment lately.  It has been a very difficult spring.  My daughters "angelversary" was in April, then Mothers day, Fathers day, and now I face 3 in the next month, my DH anniversary, our wedding anniversary and what would have been his 67th BD.  I have been a mess, my best friend says I shutting myself from the world, which I suppose is true.  There are meltdowns almost every day.  My son will be here on my husbands anniversary of passing.  I don't know if I can hold things together, but maybe it's ok to let him see a bit of my life still in turmoil.  He is very sensitive, so I'm sure he'll pick up on it anyway.  I hope you are well and hope to connect soon. 

At 6:04am on June 24, 2014, Rie said…

Hi Flannery,

I am in Urbandale, IA and noticed you are in Waukee.  I am only 3 months new to this journey and I am just getting through hour by hour...  I am enjoying everyone's posts and feels better to know I am not crazy and that how I feel is and has been felt by so many.  Just wanted to say hi to a neighbor... wishing you light and laughter today.

Ann Marie "Rie"

At 5:58pm on November 5, 2013, smileanywayNJ said…

Hi Flannery,

Your vows re-written are so amazingly loving, humorous and filled with life. Your perspective and "journey of self" is a testament to who you were in your relationship and who you are as an individual in the present with a heart filled with love, pain and presence. Please continue to share your thoughts.

My continued best to you on your journey.


At 10:10am on June 1, 2013, kshy said…

What a lovely and meaningful post you wrote about things you have learned about yourself. I thought my comment might get buried if I wrote in the forum area, but just wanted you to know I can relate to almost every thing you listed. Hugs!!  - Katja.

At 7:07am on April 2, 2013, onmyown said…

So sorry for your loss. I know the pain is like no other. It just hurts. I hope you will be able to find peace. You are in my prayers. Thinking of you this morning.



At 5:20pm on October 14, 2012, greenup said…

Hi flannery

At 6:53pm on October 13, 2012, Joyce said…

Welccome flannery: I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I hope you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It".

At 6:42pm on October 13, 2012, Dianne in Nevada said…

I'm so sorry for your loss, flannery, but you've found a wonderful place for support and friendship. Here's a good place to start: Basic Site Info

Join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Those 'chirps' you hear when you're in Widowed Village mean people are talking in the Chat Room; stop in some time and join the conversations.  I look forward to getting to know you here.


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