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jrval
  • Female
  • King George, VA
  • United States
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jrval's Discussions

Life Changes. (But things do get better.)

Started this discussion. Last reply by Danielle May 20. 11 Replies

I haven't written in a while but thought I would post something that struck me yesterday.  I turned 52 yesterday, I am now 11 years older than JR ever got to be.  When he died in 2011 I was 45 and I…Continue

 

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Danielle replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Hi Val, Yet again your comments are a light at the end of this tunnel. I'm going to 'copy and paste' these so I have something to fall back on each time the waves of grief sink me under. You may already, but have you ever considered…"
May 20
Anna replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Thank you. That was exactly what I needed to hear at this time. ((( Hugs )))"
May 20
jrval replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"I thought one year would be magic, that all of a sudden everything would come into focus.  That I would have completed the task at hand, grief.  Well, that was just a bunch of bull on my part.  Acknowledging the grief helped me move…"
May 20
Anna replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Thank you. I need this inspiration. In the beginning, I was very sure that my grief was temporary and that if I could suffer through it, I would be happy later. But I mistakenly thought the happy time would come around the one year mark. I am now at…"
May 20
jrval replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Yes,  it is.  It is a totally different life, not the life I had planned for myself, but it is rich, meaningful and good.  I think I appreciate it more than I did that old life because I now take nothing for granted.  The old…"
May 20
Anna replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Thanks for posting this Val. I am almost a year out. I am much better than I was in the first few months, but I am not as much better as I had expected to be. My fear is that this mid-level grief is now my permanent state and I won't improve…"
May 19
AEDforever (Ali) replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"jrval, good post.  I went through 4 years of hell before things started to shift. Today, I have a beautiful life, yet, I still honor the ashes of the life that was. It can be done, all that is necessary is to keep breathing, keep walking, keep…"
May 16
Danielle replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Thank you Imogen. Much appreciated. I do have friends and family and have already told one friend she is coming to the interment ceremony with me! Don't think I could handle it without her. But I'm also finding that so much of the things…"
May 16
Imogen replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Danielle I really feel for you.  That is a lot to have to do on your own.  I hope you have friends in the US & Australia to help you manage everything. "
May 16
Danielle replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Hi Val, Thanks for posting this. I really needed to read something like this today because I've been on quite a sinking downer the past week or so. I'm 43 and my husband died last November very unexpectedly at 39.  I thought I'd…"
May 15
Callie2 replied to jrval's discussion Life Changes. (But things do get better.)
"Val, very well stated. Our lives do change and in some situations, a lot. It's never going to be the same. We may not feel as happy as we once did. Once we are able to place the grief behind us (acceptance) a different life evolves. For some,…"
May 6
jrval posted a discussion

Life Changes. (But things do get better.)

I haven't written in a while but thought I would post something that struck me yesterday.  I turned 52 yesterday, I am now 11 years older than JR ever got to be.  When he died in 2011 I was 45 and I thought my world and my life was over.  That I would just suffer here in this life until I died.  And now here I am 6 years later, and yesterday was just a typical birthday.  Very strange how time changes perspective and we can rebuild ourselves and lives with time, care and determination.You see…See More
May 6
jrval replied to Sissy's discussion How Do You Live As Half of a Person...
"Susan:   I wrote this in my journal almost two years ago and called it "Finding the Me after the We"  I hope it is marginally helpful.  The reality is you rebuild from the ashes and try to integrate your memories of your…"
Apr 27
jrval replied to Jill's discussion How old were you when your spouse died? How does your age affect your self-concept now that you're on your own?
"I was forty five when I was widowed in 2011.  I am in a totally different place now then I was during the first two years after losing my forty one year old husband to a massive heart attack.  All I can say is eventually for me, I decided…"
Apr 18
Lowes 1076 commented on jrval's blog post My 16th Anniversary
"Happy Anniversary ! It is so hard to explain this to some one that has not been on this place before "sad but happy " but for us it makes so much sense as I keep celebrating our life together I can't help missing him more."
Sep 10, 2016
smit09 commented on jrval's blog post My 16th Anniversary
"Florence and the Machine-"wish you were here"  its such a beautiful song.  I love this post. keep on celebrating,...im in the same place. mourning but happy.  If I think about my loss, I will always get and be sad... if I…"
Sep 9, 2016

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I am over five years in on this journey and I am in a good place now in my life. I promised myself that I would help others on this journey when I felt that I could be useful.

Jrval's Blog

My 16th Anniversary

Posted on September 9, 2016 at 1:54am 2 Comments

Can we talk for a minute about love?  Real heartbreaking, marvelous, disastrous, powerful love that survives everything, even death and our incredibly fragile yet robustly resilient hearts?  You see I need to talk about it right now and would appreciate the ears and hearts of people that understand.

Tomorrow is my sixteenth anniversary.  On a beautiful September afternoon, in a gracious historic church in…

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My great tragedy ( Five years later)

Posted on August 30, 2016 at 1:14pm 4 Comments

Come January I will approach the six year anniversary of J.R.s death.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I am not particularly dreading it, just turning it around in my mind, and realizing that it has been the pivotal moment of my life.  I have always said that losing J.R. at 41 is the great tragedy of my life.  The world is so much poorer without him.  I still think of him every day.  I still miss him tremendously and suspect I always will.  I married my best friend and he was…

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My great tragedy ( Five years later)

Posted on August 30, 2016 at 1:14pm 0 Comments

Come January I will approach the six year anniversary of J.R.s death.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I am not particularly dreading it, just turning it around in my mind, and realizing that it has been the pivotal moment of my life.  I have always said that losing J.R. at 41 is the great tragedy of my life.  The world is so much poorer without him.  I still think of him every day.  I still miss him tremendously and suspect I always will.  I married my best friend and he was…

Continue

Love and Loss

Posted on July 31, 2016 at 2:35pm 3 Comments

“I have always been afraid of losing those that I love. I’ve sometimes wondered is there anyone out there afraid of losing me.” Anon.

One of my friends posted this today on Facebook and for some reason it caught my attention. I was going to do my usual click like and move on but something made me stop. Something about this quote bothered me even as it held my attention. It made me stop and take stock, but not, I think, in the way the author intended. Instead, I felt…

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At 2:17pm on July 31, 2016, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, jrval. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.

Be sure to check out the HOME page for the latest news.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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