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pattia
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- Mountain Dale, NY
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Widow Aura?
Started this discussion. Last reply by pattia Mar 28, 2012. 8 Replies 1 Like
I recently discussed with a friend at another widows' webste that we have a "sad" aura. I really believe it because even after 2 yrs., sadness and hopelessness are with me all the time and affect…Continue
Loved One's birthday.
Started this discussion. Last reply by pattia Jul 3, 2011. 9 Replies 0 Likes
Yesterday was my Tony's 61st birthday. We always lived ( and looked) like we were much younger than our age, so if he was here we might have gone for a hard hike somewhere, then maybe out to dinner…Continue
Passing Time...
Started this discussion. Last reply by Wahine Erin Jul 9, 2011. 21 Replies 0 Likes
Even after 19 months, I feel like I am just 'passing time' until the end of my life comes. One lousy day after another. I cannot believe how fast the days go by. A week goes by like nothing! I spend…Continue
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Latest Activity
pattia replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"I have to wonder if we might perpetuate our 'aura'; at least I think maybe I do. I have found that when a family member or friend asks me how I am, I cannot answer "good" because it is not true. I say I am 'ok' or…"
pattia replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"I completely agree, Macduff. I am often told the same thing by people who do not understand that I am not outgoing and never have been. I sure know what you mean about the tears being just under the surface. Sometimes the least little…"
Jerry replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"You seem to be having some of the same feelings as I am. when I talk to people and they tell me about the mundane problems they are having I feel like telling them Who Cares, but I just listen and nod my head in boredom.I guess you could say I feel…"
pattia replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"I think it does. I started a thread at Daily Strength that I feel some of us have an "aura" of grief, and a lot of my friends there agree. I too am treated differently by family and friends, even after two years. "
pattia replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"Hi Jerry, I am so sorry for your loss. I too am at 2+ years, and I know exactly how you feel! I have looked at some dating sites, but have stopped short of paying to join. I don't want to put any money into it because I am a huge skeptic about…"
Sanmora replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"I definitely think there is an aura. I know that I am a much different person than I used to be. What most people don't understand is that this affects every part of our life. Unless you have experienced grief, it is impossible to know what it…"
Macduff (Hal) replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"You expressed what happens to me just about every day. People tell me to get out, to do volunteer work, join groups, etc. They mean well but I don't think they understand that I was never that person. Once I retired my life revolved around my…"
Dianne in Nevada replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"Interesting thought, pattia, and I agree, aj - I fool the world, too. I often feel separate from others ... not sure that fully explains what I mean ... but like I can see and hear myself participating in conversations but it's not the real me.…"
pattia commented on CrazyWidow's event Central Pennsylvania Post-Holiday Widow Bash!
"Great idea, but Harrisburg is just too far from the Catskills. If it were more into northeastern PA. I would be interested."
Susan B commented on pattia's blog post More scared again.
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((((((((((((((((( Pattia )))))))))))))))))))))"
Paula Rene commented on pattia's blog post More scared again.
"I started to vent and got carried away and didn't address your situation. I am going to plow forward and try to get my house back in shape. Everyone tells me to sell it, rent it, etc. b/c it is too big for me. I finally got a…"
Paula Rene commented on pattia's blog post More scared again.
"Sounds like my life to a tee especially the house part. I can't sell it 1) b/c of the market but 2) when I put it on the market I had to do some repairs only to have them snowball all the way up to a new roof. I hired a reputable,…"
Joyce commented on pattia's blog post More scared again.
"Pattia: Of course I read the entire post, that's what we are here for. The only thing I can think of is to look into tutoring online at one point my stepson who is a teacher and had lost his job looked into teaching online. He…"
willo commented on pattia's blog post More scared again.
"the stressors are never ending arent they? every day has something to make you just want to give up but we keep ploding along..."
aj21 replied to pattia's discussion Widow Aura?
"I've never thought about having a "widow's aura"; an interesting thought and I'm glad that you posed the question. If anything I feel like I have so much space around me to say and do exactly what I want, that may be what…"
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More scared again.
Posted on December 17, 2011 at 11:17pm 9 Comments 0 Likes
Life decided to crap on me again on Thursday. I feel something in my car when I turn the steering wheel, so I stopped where I had the snow tires put on last week. He told me that something very serious is about to happen to one of my REAR wheels (what I feel is in the front), and the work he wants to do will cost $300+. My brother-in-law doesn't believe him and thinks the guy is trying to sham me. My BIL will take the car next week to check it out himself.
When I got home…
Continue 2 Years.
Posted on November 15, 2011 at 9:20am 3 Comments 0 Likes
I just can't believe that today is the second anniversary of Tony's death. I am amazed that it has been this long and amazed that I have made it through so far.
In a way I feel bad - guilty - that I do not exactly remember the date at the end of October 2009 when he left for his trip with his friend. I should remember it because it was the last time we were together. I had butterflies in my stomach on the way to his friend's house and was not "right" the entire day. This is true, I am…
Continue Some milestone.
Posted on November 2, 2011 at 12:19pm 13 Comments 0 Likes
I turned 60 yesterday, and it was no different than turning 59. Actually, it was not as good. I didn't expect a party, but I thought this birthday might receive a little more attention than it got. If my brother-in-law and his wife had not treated me to dinner, I would have had dinner home alone. I am trying to feel grateful and appreciative that they bought me dinner; I am trying not to be selfish, but I can't help feeling a little let down. They didn't even know I am 60; not like they have…
Continue New meltdown
Posted on August 28, 2011 at 9:33pm 1 Comment 0 Likes
How do we stop crying when we can't stop? I went to my in-laws yesterday because I did not want to be alone when Irene hit here. To make this long story short, as it turns out I could have stayed home and I would have been fine.
I found out about 3:00 today that I had power at my house, so I started out for home. I could not go the regular route because of flooding, so I had to find an alternate route. My regular route is 16 miles, but I ended up driving maybe 40.
I left their…
ContinueComment Wall (13 comments)
- At 7:47pm on July 26, 2011,
puddy said…
Hi Patti,
I read you comment on those 1st few months and how you felt. I just feel like I am getting worse and not better having 2 mos and 6 days into this horrific process. Each med they try on me is not working....do you remember when the anxiety eased up? I want to pitch the meds out the window but cannot stand the constant non-stop anxiety that is there as soon as i wakeup. My brother-in-law is looking for a house in the Catskills...he is moving from Jersey...he loves it up there! I just feel so weird...you have to accept this...how does anyone do that? Am I still in denial? My brain knows he is gone...why can't the heart follow? I guess the acknowledgement comes in time when you have worked out all the other goofy issues. D-b-D....I know this is all normal in this process...but I sure don't feel anywhere near normal. (((((HUGS))))) have a good evening!
Puddy
- At 10:16pm on July 25, 2011,
Hi Patti,
Monday nite...just wanted to write back to keep in touch with you. Force yourself to go out...I did this weekend...car cruise and a 31 gift party...hated it but did it! I go back and forth with the meds for anxiety because I just cannot stand that feeling. I felt a good cry coming on at work today...and as soon as I hit the car...it came like a rainstorm....I want to hear his voice and know I can't....angry...pounding on the console ...feeling like I could drive my car into a concrete barrier would be better than dealing with this crap! Try just doing some walking in a park...I took the dog on 1.5 mile walk tonight after crying for 2 hrs....cereal for dinner..sad. How are you spending your days...If you tutor I assume the summers are slow. Are you close to the Catskills? Everyone tells me to read but all I can read is books on greiving trying to understand this thing and life in general. Yeah we all know it will never to be the same...but how does one find any happiness again! Let's both keep positive .... you are soooo much further ahead then me....but we all can do this! Take care and sending you a ((HUG))!
- At 4:39pm on July 25, 2011,
bethjo said… Hi Patti,
Glad to be your friend.
You can't carry that guilt. Don't want to just add words. But it is true.
My husband died of cardiac arrest crossing the finish line of a half marathon on a very hot day and he wasn't drinking any electrolytes and the guilt I carried at first was if only i had made him take some salt water. It did not even enter my head on that morning. he was a runner, it wasn't my responsiblity, but it sure gave me guilt.
We cannot carry that.
But it is very hard, because we replay in our minds over and over what we could have done differently, that would have resulted in a different outcome. Hind sight is absolutely amazing.
We can't give way to this guilt; if we do, we will live in constant fear of the future, because who knows what thing we will next do or omit to do, that will have huge negative consequence.
Hope I'm not talking too much!!! I care and i feel with! Talking to myself as much as to anyone.
- At 9:51pm on July 23, 2011,
Hi Patti,
Having been thinking about you....hope you are doing ok? Washington, PA...my X lives down there...I avoid that little town like the plague...that is some bad memories. The weekend breakdown came twice today...even with family staying with me. I will check out Daily Strength...I need anything to help me through this! It has been so hot to do any exercise...but I find when it is cool....just walking helps...and I have been doing meditation and yoga. I am not a "joiner" so I know I am going to have issues in trying to stay busy....I dread the winter...and these next 4 months... wed anniversary, B-days and Turkey Day and X-mas...after that i should be home free...NOT! If I can help in any way...just listening..whatever please let me know. Another Day tomorrow...we both can do this!
- At 7:20am on July 22, 2011,
carolynne said… - Hi pattia, I was leaving a comment on puddy's page and saw your comment referencing Daily Strength...just wanted to thank you for pointing me in their direction. I just joined. Hope you are having a not so terrible morning today. : ) Carolynne
- At 11:11pm on July 20, 2011,
Hi Patti,
It is the eve of two months and I feel like crap. My heart feels for all of us and I was astonished at how you were whisked away to NY. I wish I could get out of my house but I do not want to make any crazy decisions feeling this way....that I might later regret. I am afraid to make any decisions right now. Did you feel any extra anxiety going through this...that is what is the worst of these feelings. I have had 1.6 good days in two months where I felt peace and calm. Do you have any children? Ron's daughter keeps tabs on me...each day...we are trying to help each other through this....thank goodness! I find myself wanting to wish my life away right now.....just hoping these nasty feelings will go away. I hope these starts to ease up in the next few months and I can find renewed strength in getting through this and figuring out what to do next...it seems like everyone is in the same boat....and clueless and lost. Thanks for writing.... ((HUGS to YOU))! Puddy
- At 7:23am on July 15, 2011,
Hi Patti,
I did the chat room one night...just get soooo tired just getting through the days. You are quite ahead of me in your journey....I like talking with someone out in front of me...that gives me the hope that I can make this difficult journey. Ron's brother is here from Jersey for a few days....the company helps but I still feel alone no matter who is here. It is in my goofy head....I need to realize that I am a whole person with or without people around me. They started me on some anti-depressants....cause the anxiety is making me too crazy! Let me know what has helped and not helped. I know this is different for everyone but it everyone describes the sames yucky feelings, sorrow, despair....the words cannot describe. Please stay in touch.....it it nice to have some e-mail buddies! Have a nice weekend!
- At 9:24pm on July 12, 2011,
Hi Pattia,
Hope you getting through this...I continue to struggle getting out of bed in the mornings and pushing myself to work. The anxiety I feel is continual as I have the worst fear of being alone...it is the pits. I am outside of Pittsburgh ... due west. They want me to start taking an anti-depressant med....since I also lost my father on 4-8 and then Ron on 5-21. I am not sure what I feel now.....but approaching the 2 month mark for me seems like a milestone....although the days just drag and time seems to standstill. I did not think after I funeral I could make a month. I use ever resource I can to continue to talk about what happened and keep my network of friends and family. Please let me know how you are doing? Take Care! Puddy
- At 3:15pm on June 23, 2011,
pattia said…
This is a number I use in my work if I ever encounter a student in crisis: National Hopeline (800) 784-2433 from the United States, or (800) 668-6868 from Canada. It can be useful to anyone who needs support for any reason.
- At 5:36pm on June 7, 2011,
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