This is my first post... I'm so glad to find this spot... as "being a widow" is a long and loney road. First let me say.... I am truly blessed.
Don and I were married for 28 years in February. 4 years ago last May, Don had an aortic root replacement, as he had high blood pressure and an arrhythmia. Anyway, the surgery lasted 9 hours... he was in recovery, and he crashed... twice. The rushed him back and somehow got him to Austin to the major medical center with the help of 2 heart machines. Anyway, 28 days in ICU later, he came home. He was an engineer, so he was meticulous in managing his condition. He wasn't a candidate for a heart transplant, so his condition was managed with drugs and diet. He semi-retired and we planned our next steps. Everyday was a gift.. We traveled, did bucket list stuff, spent time doing the stuff we loved. In fact, we spent 2 weeks in the Carribbean and Florida in February for our anniversary. He caught a 89" sail fish... 2 months later...he was gone.
I really thought I'd be prepared... Guess what. I wasn't. I have great friends and family. We have two grown sons that have been great. But it wasn't the same. Financially, I'm good. In fact, I'm going to retire myself in January. Somehow, I can't focus and my heart isn't in it anymore. But it is still so sad! I feel blessed to have had the past 4 years, as he really should have died in 2011.
Somedays are better than others. Today, we probated his will. Another step in finalizing his departure. I just can't believe I'll never see him again. I'd give just about anything to have one more day... to see his smile, hear his voice, smell his special scent, and just tell him one more time that I love him.
As for being a widow... besides missing my husband.. Its learning to be alone. Its filling up time and finding "hobbies"... which I don't really have. It's being a "me" not a "we"... it's finding new friends who don't mind the 3rd wheel. I'm lucky to have a good friend who is also a recent widow... we hang out.
Thanks for listening. It's nice to meet others on this very long road.