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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This is my first post... I'm so glad to find this spot... as "being a widow" is a long and loney road. First let me say.... I am truly blessed.

Don and I were married for 28 years in February. 4 years ago last May, Don had an aortic root replacement, as he had high blood pressure and an arrhythmia. Anyway, the surgery lasted 9 hours... he was in recovery, and he crashed... twice. The rushed him back and somehow got him to Austin to the major medical center with the help of 2 heart machines. Anyway, 28 days in ICU later, he came home. He was an engineer, so he was meticulous in managing his condition. He wasn't a candidate for a heart transplant, so his condition was managed with drugs and diet. He semi-retired and we planned our next steps. Everyday was a gift.. We traveled, did bucket list stuff, spent time doing the stuff we loved. In fact, we spent 2 weeks in the Carribbean and Florida in February for our anniversary. He caught a 89" sail fish... 2 months later...he was gone.

I really thought I'd be prepared... Guess what. I wasn't. I have great friends and family. We have two grown sons that have been great. But it wasn't the same. Financially, I'm good. In fact, I'm going to retire myself in January. Somehow, I can't focus and my heart isn't in it anymore. But it is still so sad! I feel blessed to have had the past 4 years, as he really should have died in 2011.

Somedays are better than others. Today, we probated his will. Another step in finalizing his departure. I just can't believe I'll never see him again. I'd give just about anything to have one more day... to see his smile, hear his voice, smell his special scent, and just tell him one more time that I love him.

As for being a widow... besides missing my husband.. Its learning to be alone. Its filling up time and finding "hobbies"... which I don't really have. It's being a "me" not a "we"... it's finding new friends who don't mind the 3rd wheel. I'm lucky to have a good friend who is also a recent widow... we hang out.

Thanks for listening. It's nice to meet others on this very long road.

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Comment by Callie2 on July 24, 2015 at 2:32pm
So sorry for the loss of your husband. It's really hard to get used to them not being around. I still miss my husband every day and it has been six years! It's a difficult transition to say the least, but your attitude of being blessed is a positive one. Of course, we all wish for one more day or night. Those thoughts don't seem to go away but there is a point which I call acceptance when we are able to find some peace. Those thoughts begin shifting to the side and we are able to see ahead.

I like you, have no major financial issues (complications)like many other widows/widowers do, especially younger ones. How difficult that must be! Grief is tough enough, it is so consuming of our entire selves. I know there will come a day when you will remember those bonus years you've shared with him without the intense sadness. I have to tell you that I always felt the same as you, "blessed". Truthfully, I believe those thoughts helped me through the darkest days. Also, I believed that in time, life would become good can. Never the same but good. There will be many peaks and valleys but remember, you head in the right direction.
Comment by Lost15 on July 23, 2015 at 6:46am

I feel like you are saying some of my words. I married at 16...he was 27.  Nobody thought the marriage would last because of the age and our families were so different....mine loving....his not.  Well....we were married 41yrs. Two beautiful daughters and two grandkids.  We travelled....we loved....we were one.  Now here I am alone.  He died of a heart attack in the car coming home to me.  I can't get that picture out of my mind....him alone in a car.  It is so unfair. I am also trying to find "me" and wishing it was still "we".  Here I am in this big house we just bought 1 1/2yrs ago.  I almost hate it.  Everywhere is remnants of our lives.  It is not the is the "things"....the mask from Colombia...the feathers from Costa Rica.....on and on....things he bought me while we were there walking hand in hand.  The hands...I will miss the holding of his hand...I think about his hand all the time.  And his face...just want to touch his face..his mouth...his nose....his face.  The hugs....being enveloped in his arms.  The 3 kisses he had to give every night before we went to sleep,,,,sometimes I would get irritated...cause if he got up for any reason...he always would come give me 3 kisses again.  Now if only I could have those 3 kisses again.

I have a wonderful network of family.....but, no one has lost a spouse and they just do not understand.  They try and I love them for trying....but, they just don't understand.

Hugs to both of us

Comment by vintage56(barb) on July 22, 2015 at 4:02am

it takes a long time to stop thinking and saying "we". (((hugs)))

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