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Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It has been 4 long years without him.

If someone had asked me 4.5 years ago what the near future looked like for my Husband and me,

I would have answered, my Husband is near retirement and we are planning to do some light

traveling, we want to visit the rest of California, our native State. We want to visit other

beautiful places, Yosemite, Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon, just to name a few. You see, my

Husband and I are/were nature lovers, on our free time we spent many afternoons visiting Natural

Habitats, spying on birds and other ground creatures with our binoculars. We loved getting out

early while the birds and animals were at their peak waking hours. We will also be visiting our

kids and Grandkids who live in Colorado. But mostly my Husband won't have to work anymore,

and will sleep in if he so chooses. Which for 27 years married, I never once saw him sleep in late.

But retirement never came for my Hubby and me together, and it never will now.

Instead,  4 1/2 years ago, October 2010, we learned for the first time, that my Husband was sick with Bone cancer in its fourth stage.

What followed was a complete nightmare. Nightmarish trip through hell. While, the rest of the world was

going on without us, my Hubby was suffering.  What followed included:

Many doctor visits, specialists visits, oncologists, hospital stays, outpatient stays many of them, x-rays, Mri's, tests, biopsies, wheel chairs,  too many blood transfusions, one botched transfusion at a hospital stay that led to edema in one leg which led to a blood clot. There was chemo-therapy, more blood tests, more needles poking, many pills, many more pills to offset the side effects of pills,  yucky syrups, little food then

hospice, then no food ... it was like a Nazi experiment and my own Beloved Husband was the subject of this

monster, cancer. 

To this day I don't know how he got bone cancer. He was a mild-mannered man, hard-working, always ready to lend a helping hand to neighbors and friends and family. He was a good provider to me and our 2 kids. He was getting ready to retire from work soon. And was looking forward to it. One of the last things he told me was, "I feel cheated!"

He was merely 60 yrs old. He passed away Feb 10, 2011. 4 years, 3 months, 5 days ago.

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Comment by Hope on February 23, 2016 at 2:41pm

I had retired 10 days before Ken died and we were so looking forward to those so called  golden years that are not to be. I lean on the fact that we had 33 very rich, rewarding and wonderful years together. Those golden years may have been just more icing on what always was a delicious slice of life. At 69 I am praying for just a sliver of peace and contentment....I had the big and beautiful and bold years with him. I am not the same person now.  Now, I just want to learn to live alone and accept whatever comes each day. 

Comment by Sad One on June 1, 2015 at 8:46am

Dear Maggie and only1sue, thank you for your comments on my blog, 4 long years. I am sorry for your loss.

But glad you shared with me that i am not alone in this path of no retirement together. The feeling of being cheated for both of us,

is definitely there daily 24/7, no matter what i am doing. Thank you again! liz

Comment by only1sue on May 31, 2015 at 4:42am

I nursed my husband for 12 years and he had a year in a nursing home and died aged 70.  We never got that taste of retirement either.  We did do some coach trips between 2002 and 2006 but that was it. I did do one long trip but when my husband got disoriented and had a panic attack that was it.  I too mourn for those retirement years we  had promised ourselves.

Comment by Maggie on May 31, 2015 at 4:26am
I am so sorry. I too lost my husband to cancer...brain tumor and he lasted only 5 months from diagnosis. He was 68...still young when you compare to averages. And no cancer in his family at all. Lots in mine, so why wasn't it me? It's the feeling cheated for both of you that is so hard and the hardest part for me now after almost two years, is the long years alone still yet ahead for me. I love only him, so there will be no other man. I feel like I have an eternity of emptiness ahead of me.

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