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Hi. I am new to this site. I was widowed suddenly in 213. My wonderful husband aged 54 died of a cardiac arrest. The pain of his loss and trauma from witnessing it and feeling so helpless to save him…

Hi. I am new to this site. I was widowed suddenly in 213. My wonderful husband aged 54 died of a cardiac arrest. The pain of his loss and trauma from witnessing it and feeling so helpless to save him will be with me forever. How ones life can change so abruptly and so totally! We were married 36 years and he was a fun kind adventourous man who still had much to give. It has been a struggle coming to terms with. I have kept busy but find it is still hard carrying on alone. At 60 I don't want to find a new relationship...how hard it would be not to compare! Grief is always with me. I do have good times too and this keeps me going! Like others. Good "couple " friends are not to be seen anymore..this adds to our pain!
Weekends are the hardest...seeing couples everywhere! Just spells out my loss!
I find staying home on those days sometimes less painful...I work in my large garden and this makes me feel so much better!
I want to enjoy life again, as we all know our time on this earth is precious! I think the hardest thing and the thing that we all yearn for is having someone to share our plans and dreams with.

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Comment by Silver fern on November 12, 2015 at 12:05am
It is ok to ramble.....you need to talk about it..we all do. Unfortunately friends and family don't want to hear our pain unless they have been widowed. I think it frightens them. One of our best "couple " friends told me off when I said I was sad my husband could not know my new grandson! They said I had to think positive! If only they knew ...they cannot even begin to imagine the pain I feel. They hardly contact me anymore and yet my husband..a keen sailor..and I often took them sailing in the weekends. I know they think I am negative. But I know I am not! Just griefstricken. Yes , I think friends should be there for you . It is healthy to talk about your man...he was your whole life. If they are uncomfortable that is their issue. Your mother inlay is in shock like you..give her time and she will come to you. It is good you have faith. I don't and have found it hard to accept his death. Like your husband he was healthy and active. He had just had a heart check and scan and had a good result. One weekbefore he died he showed us on Xmas day and was happy he had a "warrant " for his heart. I was very confused and angry with the cardiologist he was under. I still am !
Comment by Debbiek on November 11, 2015 at 3:13am

It has been the darkest days for me.  You are right though I will go on for my children. I have a strong faith in God and I know he will bring me through it. It just sucks! I talk about him constantly and I wonder if my friends are sick of it. Do I make them uncomfortable?  My in laws have talked to me 2xs since his death..at the funeral and I called her on her birthday in which she apologized for that but she said seeing me makes her really sad and she cant stop crying...Really?  holidays should be fun..even if she doesnt want to talk to me what about htheir grand kids? I know they are 83...but we had a good relationship at leastI thought we did Sorry I am rambling ..Yes everwhere you look there are memories even at the store

Comment by Silver fern on November 10, 2015 at 10:27pm
Thankyou Debbiek. I know how hard it is for you...it's like a bomb drops on us and takes the one you love and leaves you permanately broken. You can't imagine how you can go on without him...but you do. For your children and for yourself. I had a wonderful grief counsellor who followed my progress for 2 years.! She was such a huge help in my recovery from the trauma of sudden loss. I try to keep my husband alive by talking about him with friends when I can...I have his photos around...this all helps. Hang on ...it's a slow road but your beautiful boys will keep you going.
Comment by Debbiek on November 10, 2015 at 7:31am

I just lost my husband last month from cardiac arrest, He was 52 years old and healthy. He played soccer 3 x a week and ate right and took vitamins. We were married 25 years (26 this month)  We dated for 5 years I was 18.  I am only 49 and am now a widow. *sigh* I have 3 wonderful boys. 23, 21 and 17. I agree weekends are the hardest.  I am now trying to get back into the work force since I hadn't really been since the kids were small.  I pray God eases your pain.

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