Today is 6 years since Kevin died. I keep thinking I'm doing so much better and bam! the huge hole in my heart opens up again. I'm struggling today. "Friends" tell me how strong I am, and how well I'm doing and I realize that I'm an imposter. I put on my " cheerful, keep going" mask and today the mask just wouldn't stay on. I broke down more than once and several times in public. People give you a wide berth when that happens, especially in the grocery store!
I know that I have come a long way in 6 years. I know it is not so raw all the time but today it is raw, and I am alone and have been for 6 years. That's a long time. I still have moments that I just cannot believe he is gone and I won't ever see him, hold his hand, feel his arms around me. I am having a bad day,this really stinks. I pray tomorrow will be better.