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Today is 6 years since Kevin died. I keep thinking I'm doing so much better and bam! the huge hole in my heart opens up again. I'm struggling today. "Friends" tell me how strong I am, and how well I'm doing and I realize that I'm an imposter. I put on my " cheerful, keep going" mask and today the mask just wouldn't stay on. I broke down more than once and several times in public. People give you a wide berth when that happens, especially in the grocery store!

I know that I have come a long way in 6 years. I know it is not so raw all the time but today it is raw, and I am alone and have been for 6 years. That's a long time. I still have moments that I just cannot believe he is gone and I won't ever see him, hold his hand, feel his arms around me. I am having a bad day,this really stinks.  I pray tomorrow will be better.  

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Comment by oceangirl on August 26, 2013 at 2:53pm

Hugs, and more hugs, Dublin. I'm at 5 plus years, and I understand. I told my best friend yesterday (lost her husband 6 weeks ago) that the only difference between you and me is that I've gone through the emotions a zillion times. Sometimes, it blindsides me, and it hits, and the tears come so readily to my eyes. Take care, and be well - Marsha

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