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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I know it's been said over and over but how can the love of my life leave this earth at the young age of 44 and the world continue to spin and time march on. How can that be? I have promised to blog this journey but to be perfectly honest I was too busy living and surviving this hell to talk about it.

I cried for you today. I cried for me, for us, for our son. The tears are always right there on the edge and I never know when they are coming. I'm an emotional mess in my mind. To others they see your strong wife.

Everyday I wake up and remember the nightmare of losing you and I shake it off and get up. I wish the good memories would drown the horror but I guess that peace is not due me.

I can smile now and I can laugh. We all tell Gary stories with great vigor. You are still in our everyday lives but so is the pain of loosing you. I wish god would grant me one more day and I promise not to waste it. I love you forever and miss you even longer. My soul is fractured and I never expect that to change.

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Comment by smp1122 on July 28, 2014 at 6:27am

Thanks to you both....your words hold great weight.

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 25, 2014 at 8:12am

smp1122,  you can say it over and over and over again. "How can it be?"  It is the question that plagued me for at least a year. LJ is right when she says that "all this grieving takes more time than we want". I do want to say to you that the soul fracture you have CAN mend. You will have a scar, and it may hurt from time to tome when you run your figures over the scarred tissue, but it can and does change from a gaping wound to something that you carry with you as a part of who you are now.  This is a long process, unfortunately there is no prescription for healing it - every person's remedy is as unique as they are. I wish you softer days ahead and the Peace that IS due you. It will come, eventually.  hugs.  Ali.

Comment by laurajay on July 24, 2014 at 12:25pm

smp1122     two words    more time    all of this grieving takes more time than we want or have or need to give it...but grief will do as it wishes- all we can do is to care for ourselves while we are accommodating it in our lives.   peace to you.  lj

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