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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It has been seven months since I lost my husband to a rare cancer and the journey since his death has been a difficult one. I have experienced a range of emotions - anger, rage, love, anguish, sadness, yearning, loneliness, despair, hurt, regret, resentment, and sorrow.

I am now a single mother left to raise a 14 year-old son and one thing that I cannot help but notice is the scarcity of people in my life now. Where has everyone gone?  My son and I are so alone. I read in an online article that widows lose 75% of their friends. Can it really be happening?

I live 1,600 miles away from all of my sisters, my brother and father, and their families. Initially I believed that I should stay put and just visit because my home state is so expensive. However, right now I feel so isolated, so alone, I could just scream. The friends I had hoped would be checking on me weekly are not, and I know everyone has their valid reasons. However, others I had hoped to be here for support are moving away because they have their own lives. It leaves me to wonder if I should move closer to relatives because I cannot imagine the emptiness of yet another holiday.  The ones calling to check on me weekly are all out-of-state.

Is the answer a geographic cure? Do I move back to my home state?

I find my current home where I have been for the past 18 years to be a source of pain- I don't like being in this house any more. Part of it is due to painful memories from my 20 year 10 month marriage- most of the bad times occurred here. Our marriage was a thing of beauty, that is, it was both wonderful and terrible, just as Nature can be both terrible and beautiful. Such was my marriage. 

This house was where we spent most of our married life, and now I feel the need to shed this skin. After contemplating for months I feel with a certainty that I must move.  I plan to do it next Spring, as I don't want to disrupt my son's first year of high school. I have to start planning.

A geographic cure might help me move ahead instead of dwelling on the pain. If I can stop being imprisoned behind wall of denial, anger, resentment and stop banging my head against what cannot be changed then I will be in a better place. I have to LOVE THE TRUTH, the TRUTH OF ALL THAT WAS and the TRUTH of WHAT IS. Perhaps in this love I can include even that which has caused me so much pain.

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Comment by Mariposa on July 12, 2012 at 10:14am

Israel Girl- Thanks for your support as well. Glad you like my name- Mariposa. I chose to use it as my name here because of a children's book explaining death used the image of a cocoon and the butterfly as a metaphor for the dying process. I also believe it is symbolic of the grieving process, as we go into a dark place and process all of the emotions and mourn. When we are done, we come out and are transformed, as we will never be the same.

Comment by Mariposa on July 12, 2012 at 10:10am

chez2all-  Thanks for sharing that you have been through the same experience and found the need to move to be a positive step forward.

Comment by Mariposa on July 12, 2012 at 10:09am

Marielee- Thanks for your support. You can use those words as your new mantra- no problem.

Comment by Lisa ( Marielee) on July 11, 2012 at 8:15pm

Mariposa- Change is so hard but something that sometimes has to be done to change what is to what could be. Thinking of you as you prepare to move forward to a better more supportive enviornment for you and your son.   Family surrounding you and your son can make all of the difference of helping relieve the loneliness and feelings of no one caring what happens to you in your life .I love your quote..".Love the truth, Truth of all that was and Truth of what is " With your permission I need to make this my new mantra- That is where I am living in the TRuth. Truth of what happened and Truth of what is today .  Sending you hugs and blessings as you begin to prepare for a transformation in your life.  Lisa

Comment by chez2all on July 11, 2012 at 3:08pm

I've found the same thing...friends of many years just stop calling.  So I made a new life, new friends and now I'm going through it all again...and I will make a new life and new friends again...but then I've always lived within an hours drive of my family and they have been so supportive.  I've also felt the need to move house - to shed the skin as you put it.  It's a very positive step forward as I found having moved not long after the death of both my husbands.  New surroundings, new start...but it has to be something you really want to do in your own time...thinking of you

Comment by Israel Girl (Chris) on July 11, 2012 at 2:37pm

So sorry to see you feeling so alone.  Praying for you as you make this difficult decision to move or not.  Love your name, Mariposa.  I have a new love for butterflies, reminds me of transformation.  I think we are all on a transforming journey in our lives.

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