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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Change is constant. Life is evolving. Death is inevitable. Love grows and remains.

I need a safe place to shed some more truths.  A place that I feel comfortable and un-judged... a place to release and unload, to clear my head and ease my heart, and naturally, widowed village is that place.

For those of you who have been with me through my widowed journey, know that I have found love again.  Nathan, my wonderful, remarkable widowed boyfriend who can handle my baggage, has changed my life.  It's true, no matter how much baggage I think I have dropped as the days, months, years of my old life pass me by, I will still have some heavy bags to carry.  

Nathan and I are doing awesome, regardless of some of my uncertainties, he has forgiven me, and can understand me at a much greater level than most men could.  I am so thankful for him.

He has stood by my side, and allowed me to flourish at my own speed and in my own time.  We are strong, and happy.  I am so very glad that I finally let go of the inner guilt that was driving me to those uncertainties in the first place.  I have allowed myself permission to feel the happiness that was right here in front of me.  :)

Nate and I are creating a wonderful family setting for each other and our children.  His little girls call me 'momma' and my boy calls him 'daddy'.  It is the sweetest, most wonderful thing.  I can remember crying all day, everyday for my son, not being able to have a daddy... and here he is, not even 2, and has a fantastic father.  I am sad for Craig, but happy for us, the living.  It still gives me goosebumps when I hear any one of our children's innocent voices call out 'momma' or 'daddy'.  My heart feels full and warm in those moments.

Although we are creating this wonderful family setting, it comes with complex situations.  Craig's family is still present in my life, because I respect and love them, and because Jack needs them too.  Nathan feels the same way about his in-laws.  At first, Stephanie's parents (Nathans inlaws) were more accepting of him moving forward than my in-laws were.  However, ever since I gave them Craig's ashes, they have turned a new leaf.  They even invited all of us (nate and his girls included) over to their place.  It makes me very happy that they have warmed up to the changes I've made for Jack and myself.  I have a sense that the future will be bright for all of us if we can just accept the changes that life brings.

Change is constant in the universe, and if we do not embrace it, we will live a life of fear and uncertainty.  I honour change now.  Life is about evolving, therefore we must evolve.  Even after tragedy and death, love remains.  Love is what keeps the world spinning.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another."

- Anatole France

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

- Victor Frankl


Now for the even bigger news.  Even though I know its not really any of their business, out of respect, both Nathan and I feel we need to inform our in-laws on the most recent change in our lives.  Nathan and I are expecting.  Yes! I am pregnant...3 months, the baby is due February 14/2014.

We are extremely happy to have this beautiful addition... but its another complicated scenario.  How will people react? Will people understand that we still love and miss our late spouses, or is this something that proves to them that we forgot all about them?  Should that even matter to us?

Oh, the uncertainties can emerge this quickly... but we stand strong for each other and for our family.... but how do we break the news gently to our in-laws?...especially when they are finally warming up to our situation?  I know it still must sting to hear Jack call Nathan 'daddy' as it must sting for Steph's parents to hear Rya and Reid call ME 'momma'... but deep down in their hearts, I am sure they understand how special it is at the same time.

In my previous blog, I mentioned that Craig and I wanted to have 4 children.  I never imagined it happening this way for me, but with Nate's 2, and my 1, and ours together, I will have my 4. :)

I will have 4 children from 2011-2014.  Becoming a mother has changed me for the better, and has taught me a lot about myself, I have grown spiritually and mentally (and now physically once again) and have surprised myself.  Being a mother to children that aren't yours biologically is quite a bit different than it is with your own blood, but I love them all the same.  I know that this new baby will grow in a truly wonderful environment, full of lessons on life and love.

wish me luck, and feel welcome to give suggestions on how to break the news.

May you find peace as you heal.

Cheers, 

stacy

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Comment by NoLongerInBergenJC on November 23, 2013 at 3:00am

You might remind your in-laws that one of the reasons you feel confident in making this new journey with your new husband is because of the wonderful years you spent with their son.  That it is your happy marriage to him that showed you how much richer life is when you share it with someone.

Comment by willo on November 23, 2013 at 2:48am

congrats on the new life you will be bringing into the world!!!     I buried my son and I buried my husband there is nothing you can do to help ur mother in law she will have to find her way (or not) by herself the same as you did.

Comment by maria on August 16, 2013 at 7:05pm

Stacy I am happy for you and your new family. Indeed change is constant and to welcome it depends on us. Hopefully your "in-laws, both" will understand that sooner or later you'll have children of your own. Congratulations and wishing you both all the best. God bless us!

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on August 15, 2013 at 7:23pm

Stacy!!!!  This is beautiful and wonderful news. Yes, I imagine it must be a strange thing for the in-laws to deal with as it may bring up the sorrow for them of their loss.  I guess what I would say though is that you really don't have any control over how they receive the news, but knowing what a gentle spirit you are I am pretty sure you will find the right words.  Continued Peace and Healing...

Comment by kimmi on August 15, 2013 at 4:47pm

I am so very happy for you both!! If you speak with your hearts, I'm sure both sets will be fine and will see the love you have for each other, your children, and your late spouses. Relax and enjoy the change. You are right where you are supposed to be. Hugs.

Comment by Joyce on August 15, 2013 at 5:47am

Stacy, I'm so happy for you.  Congrats to both you and Nate.  It's been a rough time for you with the trial and all, I'm happy to see that you and Nate are expanding your family together.  Hugs to you

Comment by MsKris12 on August 14, 2013 at 12:07pm

Wonderful news Stacy!  Congratulations to all of you! 

The Universe will provide an opportunity to share your news with the rest of your family when it will be most welcomed and appreciated for what it is, a blessing.   I'm sure you know this! 

All the best love!

Kris


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Comment by Soaring Spirits on August 14, 2013 at 9:57am

I am very very very happy for you!

Life is complicated... and it is rich and wonderful too. I will write you a PM, as well with some ideas for you, though I know you can take care of all of it as a big, complicated and wonderful family!

((giant, giant hug))

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on August 14, 2013 at 9:48am

Stacy, congratulations to you and Nate.  You give us hope as others do who have moved forward.  I have no suggestions for you are breaking the news to the in-laws.  I am sure you and Nate will find a way that is right for all involved.  Hugs.

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