I am not sure if this is how I add a blog post, but here it goes.
It is five months now since Len died. I am still in a fog much of the time, and I can't believe it has been five months already. I feel like I am just existing, and not really living.
Lately I have been thinking more about moving. I know the experts say to wait at least a year before making any big changes, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I have been browsing the realtor website and even drove by a few homes that are for sale. The reason I need to downsize is to pay off our HELOC, which is about $87K. The only reason we even had the stupid thing was because we were stupid with our money and with credit cards and used the HELOC to pay them off, not once but twice. We also put two used vehicles on it rather than take out higher interest car loans. I am somewhat bitter over the whole thing because it was mainly Len that was bad with money and credit cards, but I allowed it to happen. I always figured we would share the repayment, but now he is dead and the whole burden falls to me. He also had more credit card debt when he died, but thank goodness my name was not on the accounts, and the credit card companies are just going to have to be out of luck. I am not paying them with my money. I have the money to pay out the HELOC, but then I would be left with no savings for retirement.
He also hadn't filed his taxes for about six years, and he was a contractor so he owed taxes for all those years. I am going to have to pay them out of the life insurance money. So much for the life insurance being there to help me out in the coming years. It is all going to the government. I just hope it will be enough. My lawyer said I have to pay them or the govt. can come after the house. blah.
The other big change that I am contemplating is a job change. My current job is sucking the soul out of me. I am a bookkeeper for a car rental agency, and if you are Canadian you have no doubt heard about Budget in Vancouver. Well, my company is headed in much the same direction. It just goes against my ethics. I can't stand working there, but who is going to hire a 53 year old, fat, grey haired widow? The other thing is the golden handcuffs as they call them. I am fairly well paid for a bookkeeper, and I have to support myself now. I don't have a husband for a safety net.
I would really like to just work for myself and do books from home, but that takes time to build up a clientele, and I don't want to use up my savings while building a business. If I am very good with my money I am hoping to semi-retire in about 7 years, when I am 60. So do I just keep on at my soul-sucking job, or do I make a change. And if so, what?
I'm not sure if I should be posting all this stuff, but it feels good to get it out, and I have no-one to talk to about it