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My Honey had wanted to have his family over for Christmas this year because last year we went to his brothers and it was a fiasco and the previous 18 yrs. have been at his parents and they're getting older so we thought we'd make it a "take turns" holiday and host it this year.  Sigh.  Yesterday at their Labor Dad/Father-in-laws birthday celebration they were talking about upcoming holidays.  I asked where Christmas was going to be this year.  I don't recall who finally said it but it was brought up that Honey wanted it at our house, Mother in law and stepson both didn't want to say anything but both reminded me of that.  I told them we were going to honor his wish and have it at our house.  Sigh.  What have I done.  I was looking forward to staying home by myself and having a pity party for one.  No one forced me or guilted me into this.  I volunteered on my own.  Still makes my stomach flip at the thought.  Maybe it'll be good for us all.  Every year we did Christmas Eve at his parents and Christmas Day at my moms.  Last year Honey and I talked about having both events here at our house and that way we wouldn't have to travel (we were becoming more and more reclusive).  I can do this.  I'm a list person, organized and can throw a party.  It think Honey would be thankful to me for staying in with his family especially with him not being there and me not really having any reason to.  OK now I'm crying at the thought of our first Christmas without him:(

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Comment by honeys(puddin) on September 7, 2012 at 12:52pm

I think he would be more shocked than proud or maybe equally so:)  His family and I have had our issues but nothing that we didn't get through.  I still need to confirm with mother in law that the one brother who is the biggest pain of the family will attend because if he refuses then there's just no point really as it's only 2 sons left and I know they all need to be together.  I'd just as soon stay home and have a pity party for one:)

Comment by Joyce on September 5, 2012 at 4:39pm

I'm glad you're following through with his wishes and his family are going to come over.  The first Christmas is hard but I think your keeping busy will be good for you.  Honey is proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself as well.

Comment by bad ass widow on September 4, 2012 at 4:23pm

I applaud you for doing this.  Just be sure to take care of you.


Comment by honeys(puddin) on September 4, 2012 at 3:52pm

I always handled all of our family functions by myself anyway.  I didn't mind.  Labors of Love.  Unless it was meat on the pit then it was all me.  I can do this.  I really do think he will be so proud of me for hanging in there with his family.  They're all nuts but they're his family so they're my family.  I'm lucky I didn't lose them too since I've read that it happens.  That's funny about asking them to bring something because I always made 100% of the foods because he didn't like their food, only mine so I made it all and I will again make it all.  I don't mind.  It's going to keep me busy.  I'm a good cook and I no longer cook so this will be a reason to cook.  Sigh.  I can't believe this is how my life turned out:(

Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on September 4, 2012 at 3:46pm

Having everyone together may be a Good thing for all of you. I am sure you could ask some of the others to bring a dish, or rolls.. dessert.  I am sure Honey is very proud of you !! and wil be with you in all of your hearts and spirit. ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Comment by suebru (Sue) on September 4, 2012 at 3:33pm

You not only can do this, you will do this with love and style....and your honey will be soooo proud !

Sue :-)

Comment by Lauralee on September 4, 2012 at 3:32pm

Wow - I think you and your family have made the right decision and I am sure that Honey approves.  He will be so proud of you and hopefully it will make this Christmas somewhat bearable with all the details to handle.  I know it will still he hard but hopefully not as hard.  I haven't been able to face what I might do this holiday season yet.  Still just trying to get through the day.  I hope you had some peace today.

Comment by honeys(puddin) on September 4, 2012 at 3:06pm

Thanks Janet.  I am trying to do everything that him and I had planned to do.  I think he would really be shocked that I am continuing to be around his family.  We had issues with them in the early years.  The last years were all good.  I still have my stepson who lives w/ his paternal grandparents (my in laws) so I don't want to bail on him too.  My brother in law (Honeys brother died 2 yrs. ago and the wife moved immediately on and it hurt everyones feelings at how she just bailed on the entire family and the life that they had.  To each his own of course.  Our marriage was different than theirs so my widowhood will be different than hers as well.  Sigh.  My life;/

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on September 4, 2012 at 2:06pm

Honeyspuddin, this may be a good thing for everyone.  It might even help in the healing process, one never knows.  I hope all goes well for you and all the family members.  I am sure he would be proud of you for continuring  what you both had talked about.

Peace and hope.

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