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Designing a Celebration for my beloved is now underway

My roses 

This is a song that was written about the loss of a loved one.  See this link.  Lyrics are " This is what it is like when the Sacred is torn from your life and you survive.It seems so unfair. This is what it is like to be held."

It was sent to me by a friend who was grieving the loss of a tiny baby.  But it applies to all losses of loved ones.

I am feeling the loss of Wes very severely this last week, as I struggle with various issues and problems that seem to go ON AND ON . There is a spiritual fight going on to survive it all.  I am also in the process of  organising a Celebration of his Life  for next week.  Again there were obstacles and blockages, as I had wanted it to be done in a relative's church .  I wanted it to be joyous, to be able to sing songs of Love, to say thankyou for Wes in my life.  To show his love, in the words he wrote on various birthday, Christmas and Anniversary cards.  To have people who knew him share their thoughts.  To have other widows there who understand.   To have a morning tea of lovely food.  So now I am arranging it at home.

I struggled to obtain the CD's that I could sing along with.  Also to get a CD to sing a duet with another friend.  To maybe show a little of our Wedding DVD to those who had  met Wes more recently.  I long for peace, for some happiness, and as Christmas shows up and I cannot put up our beautiful hand made, colourful Christmas Stockings anymore.... just get through  my first Christmas.  Without Wes my life is bare, scraped down to the lowest level, bereft of so much, yet overwhelmed with so much 'rubbish and turmoil".  Many new friends and people with special skills have been brought in over this last year.  I am very grateful for them.  But still the battle rages on between good and  evil. Constantly one prays for help, says thankyou for the blessings, and  tries to get an exhausted body to have enough sleep  to  deal with the ongoing problems again and again.

Today I went out to get special  food for the Celebration, organic, handmade, healthy, and beautiful fruit, cakes, scones, drinks, ice cream and more to Celebrate my beloved and share with others on this journey.  I  also went and sang  Christmas carols in a choir this morning. We went to a place of "high care" with elderly residents.  We had cards signed with love and a little gift for every  one of them.  I held the hand of an elderly man who was crying.  Not sure whether he was crying for joy or sorrow.  He could not speak much. All I knew was that  I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.  So sang and spoke with him - counting my blessings that I  could go to my home later in the day.  Finally songs I have gathered around me at this time, and some which I will use for Wes' Celebration are:  ALL FOR LOVE, Annie's song - Wes's favourite, and  a  Jewish Ladino song  of love.   I have told Wes about this and  he seems pleased with it all.  I feel it will bring some joy to me, as Christmas itself  will  be very empty. 


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Comment by TomsWife (Jodi) on December 11, 2013 at 6:58am
Glad you're back! A great song Tom & I love is "Sing Together" by the band Train. We always sung together as a family. I had this song sung at the grave site. I have was surprised when my children began singing along (even the one that can't carry a tune if he had a bucket!). As we all sat and held hands, singing along with the CD, I felt so RIGHT. Others may have thought it was odd or weird, but that matters not the o any of us. And I'm sure Tom LOVED it. :)
Comment by my roses on December 11, 2013 at 2:50am

My roses  

Thank you for your comments, there is no doubt ... we all wonder why?  Particularly, as we (and others have got thoughts etc) that the person would live.   Wes family are long lived and I really thought we had more time together.  He is the youngest to go -  at the present time.  Nothing seems to help the pain.  But I did have special prayers done over me some months ago which calmed down the violent sobbing.  The person was able to see that something like a panther was attached to me and  had been sent to me.  She sent it back, and I feel sure I know where it came from.  These "things like panther" actually drain you of vitality but because they are in a spiritual dimension we are not aware they are there doing damage.

Yes, I find that going out somewhere is ok but when I come home  - the fact there is only me is really unpleasant.  I hope that somehow we can have some happiness at Christmas.

Comment by Bonnie on December 10, 2013 at 10:43am
That is a beautiful way to remember him. This too is my first Christmas alone. For Sam we bought his favorite tree and put his ashes in the ground and planted the tree. Had all the ones who loved him over and our friends grilled for all of us. We shared a lot of good memories, but then everyone left, and I was alone again. This stinks but I keep trying to remember that there was a reason he was taken and I was left. I KNOW there is a reason but can't find much comfort to the thought. Thank you for sharing.

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