A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Drop it!
I went to dinner with my cousin a couple of nights ago. She's as close to me as my 2 other sisters. Well, she proceeded to tell me it was time to move on and get out there and maybe start dating. I almost hit the floor! This isn't the first time she's said this. Well, after I went up one side of her and down the other...she apologized. But a little later...she wanted to go dancing....maybe I'd meet someone!!!! What is wrong with people....I have no desire to get out there and date....not now....not ever!! SO DROP IT!!! Don't get me wrong....I'm not sitting home....I'm busy babysitting my grandchildren (3 boys, 3 girls) and I go out a lot with my family and friends. The void that's there can be only filled by Andre' and no one else. As much as I miss him....I'm content with this new life I have.
I was telling my son and daughter-in-law this....I was pretty mad and I didn't know that my 10 year old granddaughter Ari was listening. She proceeded to tell me that I had to wait till she was old enough and she'd take my dancing with her. Then she put her hands on her hips and with a huge smile said I had to promise I wouldn't steal her boyfriends. She has the best sense of humor ..... none of us could stop laughing. She made my day:)))))
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Comment
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Comment by Kaye (Nextstep11) on July 5, 2012 at 10:00am
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Good for you for standing up for yourself!
It is so odd that so many of us suddenly 'need' family, friends, coworkers to 'direct' our lives. And so many of them are so righteous about it too. And so few of them widows themselves.
We need to keep speaking up for ourselves--- if we continue to grit our teeth in silence they'll never understand how unwarranted and frankly, disrespectful these comments are.
Your granddaughter sounds perfect!
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Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 5, 2012 at 8:50am -
Leave it to kids to teach us how to smile again! Glad you could find some joy out of that situation. Hugs!
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Comment by Dianne in Nevada on July 4, 2012 at 11:47am -
Good that you spoke up for yourself, mem, but unfortunate that she apparently wasn't truly listening to you. I suspect she was trying to be helpful, that she cares about you and thinks this is what you need to be happy. Keep going out with friends and family, doing things you enjoy, and hopefully she'll see she doesn't need to 'fix' you.
Love your granddaughter's comment. I agree with Ali - what a blessing.
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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on July 4, 2012 at 11:16am -
Mem, unfortunately - there are a lot of people who think they know what's best for you, and i'm sure they truly have good intentions (most of them anyway). But you are right to stand your ground and say what YOU know is right for you. I went out with one of Pauls best friends (a woman) a couple of months after he died. I am not a bar person but she is, and i was lonely, so I went (mistake). It seems a lot of women think a "girls night out" is what you need when you are grieving (aka --- get really drunk and act crazy). She proceeds to tell me how she "wont try to fix me up with someone", and then two sentences later tries to get me to dance with one of her guy friends. ??????? I declined of course. Sadly, a lot of people think you need to "get your mind off of him" or "find someone to be with" and that will ease your pain and sadness. Most people don't have the fortitude to sit with someone in profound sadness and simply let it be and be okay with that. When you find people like that..make sure you let them know how special they are. Sounds like your granddaughter is going to turn out to be one of those special people - her comment that made you laugh was timed perfectly. what a sweet, wise little soul. What a blessing for you.
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