So it's been 2 years and 5 months since I lost my husband to Non Hodgkin lymphoma. I have two grown daughters that I can't stop worrying about. My faith has carried me this far, so I don't know why I worry. My oldest is 26 and a free spirit with a bachelor's degree in Philosophy. She is trying to find her way and works at a private school being a tutor/shadow to a boy with autism. She likes to date wounded men and "save" them. When I think back it's no different than what I did when I met her dad. My youngest is very focused and studying to be a teacher. I just want everything to be settled and squared away. I'm tired of the "journey" and people telling me about tough love with my daughters. I want to talk to my husband, he knew what to say. People ask me how I am and then tell me what I should be thinking. Why do people think I need to be told what to think? Do I come off as damaged or needy? I hope not. I don't want sympathy. I will find my way. Another thing I would like people to know is that I don't need to be dating someone to move on. It all makes me feel like I need to paste on a smile so they won't have to feel sorry for me. I never knew it would be so hard to be without him. I count my blessings every day and I have so many. Are those people that know what's best for me counting their's? Do they appreciate the sun in the morning like I do? Do they notice the occasional Cardinal resting in a tree? Maybe I need to tell them how they should be thinking.