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Today I planned on installing this virtual storage space on my computer Felix's brother sent to me so I can share pictures with him, his mom and sister. So before I did any installing, I loaded up his computer for the first time since I had to round up photos for Felix's wake. I started looking through our files and seeing his smiling face, our smiling faces, broke my heart all over again. Then I found a couple of sound files, one which he says "I love you Baby!"

 

My heart lurched so bad that it made my stomach hurt.

 

Not the first sound file I have found. Saturday something compelled me to charge up his phone (which has been disconnected) and after some digging around, I found more sound files. One sounded like he and his brother were trying to do an EVP session. For those of you who are unfamiliar with EVP, EVP is Electronic Voice Phenomenon, which is how ghost hunters capture voices of spirits on recordings. They will record open air, and play it back to see if they captured voices or sounds on the recording that they did not hear with their own ears. Felix was a huge believer of the paranormal. He got me into it too, watching ghost hunting shows on tv. LOL. Felix once did an EVP session at his older brother's grave (he died as a baby) and captured the sound of a baby's giggle. He always felt his hospital room was haunted. He didn't capture anything on the voice recording, though.

 

The one that got me was a voice recording for me. I don't remember him sending it to me, because I would have definitely saved it on my phone if he did... It's like he foresaw his destiny. He said,

 

"I may not be here tomorrow. I may not be here next year. But I'll be with you forever honey. I love you. You are the love of my life. Don't ever forget that."

 

I don't know when he recorded this. There is no date. His voice was shaky...and it will haunt me forever...

 

I also have a text message he sent me several years ago, where he said he'll love me forever even from beyond the grave...

 

GAH! I can't wait for the day to post something nice and happy. Something to put a smile on my and everyone else's faces.

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Comment by rodsgurl09 on November 2, 2011 at 2:50am
So glad you found these. I have Rod's cell greeting and a 7 second video from our wedding....that's it. I, too, wish I had saved his voicemails...you just don't expect the unexpected, I guess. I'm thinking of recording something for each of my sons....even if it doesn't happen soon, it will happen eventually, and I'd like to leave the sound of my voice with a special message for each of them. ((hugs)) to you...hope you can listen, remember the love and hear his voice without tears someday.
Comment by Ariana on November 1, 2011 at 7:23pm

Oh believe me, I'm THRILLED that I found these voice messages! I had nothing saved on my phone or house phone. Our house phone voicemail greeting is generic, and I always deleted voicemails when I get them on my cell phone. I was so upset that I had no recording of his voice, kicking myself in the ass for never saving a voicemail. So finding these recordings was like a goldmine for me! I saved them on my computer and cell phone :) So when I need to hear his voice, feel that connection, I play them. It's haunting though, because of the words in his message. I don't know when he recorded it, so it's just hearing him speak this way, after death, just haunts me. Almost like he sensed things weren't going to work out for him...

 

I wish that others did his for their loved ones. I know that people probably didn't want to do it because it was admitting that something was going to go wrong, but even if no one is sick or expects to pass away, it's a nice gesture to do this for their loved ones...

 

Comment by Kerryn on November 1, 2011 at 8:05am

I am SO very glad that you found these recordings and that he thought ahead enough to leave them for you.

The only recording we have of Dave's voice is his work voicemail - "You've reached David..blalal leave a mesage". We have no personal recordings, or vocal messages, etc. I had asked him to at least record whether via the computer or his phone at least a separate greeting to each of the boys, using the nickname he had for them, knowing there would be days they would need to hear his voice and their nickname - he didn't.  He sure was able to make it to work to say good-bye and finish up everything there,  but couldn't take 2 minutes to leave a message for his sons.  Sorry if there' a little bitterness there, I just see my boys and know that at times if they could just hear him say one thing to them, they'd make it through the day a little better.

 

I'm so very glad, you do have those messages and that he did think ahead for you does make me smile.

Comment by CrazyWidow on November 1, 2011 at 6:56am
*Hugs* to you have that SPECIAL memory, cherish that, especially since so few of us ever get those treasures.
Comment by Joyce on November 1, 2011 at 4:05am
ahilario, I agree with Diane, the only recording of have of my husband's voice is on his cell phone and that only says his name, no message.  When I call it, I cry but I still love hearing his voice.  This is a blessing for you to be able to hear his voice and his love for you.
Comment by Dianne in Nevada on October 31, 2011 at 10:26pm
Maybe it's because I don't have any recordings of my husband's voice, but I think finding that message is a very special gift. Not something that would haunt me, but a tangible reminder of the love that you had. Embrace it, ahilario, and feel his love ... hear his love ... and smile ... each time you play it ♥

VOLUNTEER
Comment by Soaring Spirits on October 31, 2011 at 6:44pm
Oh, how intense! I think I would have felt sick too... ((hug))!

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