I seem to have been busy in the past few weeks. I went to my son's in Broken Hill for a week as planned. The wrap on my thigh in addition to the stocking worked well on the flights. The extra padding did feel as if I was wearing part of a suit of armour. As it is regional airline and a small plane with narrow steps I did have some trouble with getting off tne plane but that was really the only problem with flying. Negotiating the local transport and the airport was no trouble as I have travelled the route many times now.
My stay was different from previous visits as my son has a girlfriend now but she seems okay. We still had a couple of meals out and Trev took me to a couple of places I hadn't been before. Both birthday celebrations went well, mine on the 4th and my grandaughter's on the 6th. There were some tears and tantrums as a result of too much excitement for a six year old but that is to be expected. It was cold at night but warm and sunny through the day as it is in desert country. I love the wide open spaces so different from the suburban landscape of my coastal home.
Broken Hill has few memories of Ray for me as our son moved there after he died but we did have a couple of nights tnere on one of the holidays we had in our travels many years ago so some landmarks are familiar. That is a strange feeling in a way, a mixture of the old and the new memories. I cope with it but there are flashbacks. On one of the trips we had a picnic in one of the parks, a visit to the Regional Art Gallery, so it seems familiar but different. I guess some people will relate to that.It happens often when I am home, less often as time goes by.
Back home there are reminders of Ray all around me as I still live in the same house. I have made some changes over the years but the basics are the same. Why do I need to change I ask myself now. I feel old and set in my ways and I think more so after the events of the past year, I have a greater need for the security of the familiar now. Old friends live close by or a familiar drive away, so it is routine to shop or have a coffee with friends. I did think of moving a few times but lately that idea has lost it's appeal.
Perhaps the short trips to faraway places, even familiar ones, do show me new insightsi into my life without making me restless, I know in the last few years I have changed a lot of my thoughts on life. I am not sure time has brought perspective as much as it has brought a reluctance to change too much. Of course that does have it's drawbacks. It means stagnation, not progress which is what I have a!ways striven for. Because with change comes growth. And I do need to gradually change. I realise that is an essential part of living for me. But I need to be allowed to change at my own speed.