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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

After Laura passed on 7/15/14, I now had to do everything myself. There was no one preparing a meal while I was outdoors working. There was no one to talk to at mealtime anymore. All of a sudden I felt vulnerable. If we had a problem to solve, we would put our heads together to figure out a solution. Two heads are always better than one. Now it's just me, to figure it all out by myself.

I hiked alone on our familiar trails in quiet contemplation and meditation. I stood by the wood stove listening to piano and violin music while gazing at pictures and reminiscing about the love I had known. I never wanted to go to bed because of the memories of what it was like before. I would (and still do) stay up till 2 or 3am and then end up sleeping too late.

We used to ski together at the local mountain. Now I ski alone and it's a whole different feeling.

As I travel about, I am alone without my wife by my side and it's a whole different feeling.

December 30th will be her birthday. She will be forever 51 with a beautiful strong slender athletic body, long curly auburn hair and a beautiful smile.

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Comment by Preblehiker on January 18, 2016 at 8:39am

Thank you for your thoughtful comments.

Comment by Toniadpt on January 17, 2016 at 5:53pm

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away July 17, 2015. He was my best friend. We did everything together. He was the one that kept me calm and level-headed. I think without him, I would have made a million decisions based on my emotions. I have now had to stop, take a breath, and really contemplate before making a decision. When I was stressed, he was the one that always told me that things would be ok. I always needed to have things organized and planned. He made me realize that it was ok to be spontaneous. He always believed that things would just fall into place. Now, I feel like I don't know how to function just with day to day tasks. Being alone stinks. With him by my side, I was safe. On bad days at work, I knew that he was only a phone call or text away. He will forever be 37. Wishing you peace. 

Comment by Cookie_love on January 4, 2016 at 7:09pm
Feeling vulnerable I can definitely relate to that. I miss feeling safe and protected. Being a first death so young he was only 35, forced me to realize how fragile life is. Now I am petrified living each day as if I was made of glass. I miss feeling protection blanket over me and my child. Now I'm so aware.
Comment by FitFLNana (Thelma) on January 4, 2016 at 3:40pm

Yes - this is all too familiar - except I don't ski :)  I find one of the things I hate the most is having to make a decision.  I so depended on Bruce, he was so smart and good at it.  I struggle.  The other thing is - my birthday is Dec 30.  It was very tough this year without him.  Life will never be the same will it?  So sorry that we are all here - yet thankful to find others that understand.

Comment by [email protected] on January 2, 2016 at 9:22am

I read your post and it struck a cord with me. I used to walk and take hikes with my husband and when I took my morning walk today it felt so hollow! Everything just lacks luster. Prayers to you. 

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