“It never dawned on me that if I had a choice I never would have let him go. So God decides when it’s time for our souls to move forward, when it is time to leave this life. None of us would simply relinquish our loved ones or ourselves for that matter: “Okay, God take ‘em away! Good-bye!” No I don’t see that happening.” Excerpt from the book “Don’t Kiss Them Good-Bye” by Allison Dubois
She was talking about her father and the anger she was feeling at the funeral and about the little voice that reminded her that she had been given two years to say good-bye to him before he died of a heart attack. For those who are not familiar with Allison Dubois, she is a medium. The TV series “Medium” was based on the work she did with the DA’s office in Arizona. Jim and I used to watch the show and never missed an episode.
I read that and went “Wow “. It is a totally new way of looking at the loss of a loved one. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We would not let go of our loved one if we had a choice. We would want to keep them with us always but unfortunately, the choice really isn’t ours to make. It is ultimately God’s decision and not ours.
I think what really caught my attention was the fact that she did not say “move on” but “move forward”. The following two quotes are also from the book: “Death is all about falling apart. You have to fall apart so that you can rebuild yourself.” “The biggest compliment you can pay to people you have loved and lost is to keep a part of them alive in yourself, memorializing the significance.” These two quotes give me a better understanding of grief and also make it a bit easier to move forward without my husband by my side.
I have incorporated Jim’s strengths, beliefs and values into who I am today. I never thought about it but through the years I incorporated my grandmother’s and my dad’s strengths, beliefs and values to become the person I am today. They have all taught me to love, kindness, compassion, to respect other people, to respect myself, honesty, integrity, and above all that life is all about living it to the best of our abilities.
Grief has taught me that life is so very short. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. My grandmother always said “Life’s a hoot, but death is an adventure.”
Peace and hope to all who travel this journey.