I hope you all enjoyed today. I was afraid today was going to be a tough day but instead it turned out to be a great day. Spent it with my brother and his family.
I think today is a tiny glimmer of hope that I am on my way to being ok. Of course I still have a few more hurdles ahead-Felix's birthday is on Monday. Christmas. My birthday, which is also New Year's Eve...but I hope to keep this positive thinking and feelings to help me through those days.
Late last night, I was thinking back to very intimate moments with Felix and I realized that that's it...all I have are memories of those beautiful, private moments. We can never be together again. I will never feel those hands, lips and skin again. It hit me SO SO hard and cried myself to sleep. But I guess that was also a moment of clarity. He is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Just cherish the amazing love he gave me unconditionally.
I am so thankful for our Six years together. I learned so much from him. We saved each other from ourselves. We made each other better human beings. He learned to love himself. I learned to love OTHER than just myself. He died knowing he was loved and knowing his love made me strong. And I will live on with his love forever in my heart.