Pardon the title, I couldn't think of a better name for it.
While discussing loss with a fellow wid and widda.org member, I started to think about the loss that preceeds my personal loss in my family.
22 years ago, my mother woke up to find her husband had passed in his sleep due to complications of ALS. I was 7 years old. I didn't really understand loss at the time. I knew he was sick, and I understood in a way, that he was gone from our lives. I think being as young as I was made it slightly easier to swallow. My mother had only been with him 18 months. At the time 18 months seemed like sort of a long time, in hind sight I know that it was no where near long enough for her. A year or so later, my mother remarried. I did not get it, at all. How could she forget my step dad that quickly, and just move on. I think now I have more of an understanding about the whole situation. She isn't 100% happy in the marriage, but I think for her, it is better than being alone.
20 years ago my grandmother and step grandmother became widows in the same day. My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver in the late hours of the night. My step grandmother had lost her husband and the man that brought her a small family to call her own. My grandmother had lost the man who gave her her children and helped mold them into the wonderful people they grew up to be. Both women had had my grandfather in their lives for a considerable amount of time. I know for my step grandmother, even that amount of time was not enough. They were so happy together, that was very plain to see. 10 years after my grandfather passed away, my step grandmother started seriously dating a widower. They are still together and are very mad for each other.
8 years ago, my grandmother passed away on Valentine's day. After the divorce from my grandfather, and even after his death, she did not remarry or pursue a committed relationship. She was fiercely independent and knew she could navigate the rest of her life on her own.
These 3 women all suffered the loss of their love. They each dealt with the loss in different ways. One remarrying out of convenience, one finding herself a widower who understands loss, and one remaining alone and independent. My mother told me recently that she still misses my step dad and talks to him on occasion. My step grandmother talks to me alot about loss. I go to her because she understands the sudden loss I have suffered.
.... not sure why I am sharing this, I just thought it was interesting after giving it some thought...