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I'm sure many are with me on that I hate the holidays I find myself being a Grinch. I went to my husbands family Christmas party this past weekend and that was so very hard and overwhelming. Sunday was our 5 year anniversary of being together and I saw his headstone for the first time since it had been place. Nothing has felt so real as to see his name written in stone knowing that it's forever he's not coming back no matter how much I pray, wish upon a star or ask Santa. It's not fair, I see friends going on and enjoying the holidays and I didn't even decorate. This is my second round of holidays and it's no easier then the first. How is one to get through them? I'm angry and depressed this week I've lost sleep and have barely wanted to eat. I'm trying to hold it together but these days what's the point to make others happy, screw them and their happy families and Christmas cards. Those are the worst those dang Christmas cards I know people mean well but I don't want them. I don't want to be reminded that my husband isn't here to enjoy the holidays or that we didn't have a chance to have kids yet to open presents on Christmas morning. Just heartbroken and angry.

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Comment by Veronica on December 19, 2014 at 5:17pm
I know exactly what you mean about the Christmas cards. I am putting them straight from the mailbox into the recycling bin without opening them. It is just too awful!
Comment by joe'swife on December 15, 2014 at 5:18pm

My husband and I had been just 3.5 weeks shy of our 7th wedding anniversary when he passed.  Thursday will be 14 weeks since my husband's death.  We didn't have any children, so I am left to care for our two dogs.  I've faced a lot of firsts in such a short period of time, our anniversary, my birthday, Thanksgiving and now Christmas.  The hardest day unexplicably was actually the day before my birthday.  I could not stop crying that whole day.  The actual holidays themselves have not been as difficult as I anticipated.  On these days I have chosen to inundate myself with memories of mine and my husband's time together during these holidays.  My husband was extremely social and outgoing.  And remembering how much he enjoyed himself and enjoyed making our aniversary and my birthday special, doesn't make me feel so bad on these days.  I know that he would not want me to be sad or to treat anyone bad because I feel bad.  I chose to embrace the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ.  My husband and I talked about God and felt truly blessed throughout our marriage.  We prayed together and had a lot of discussions about God toward the end of my husband's life.  He would want me to put forth love, as he did.  And to do otherwise, for me would be to tarnish his memory and I can't do that.   

Comment by laurajay on December 15, 2014 at 3:14pm

Dear cjh0588    As much as you will not like this comment  grief holds  a timetable that you can not make for yourself. You had a brief time together...5 yrs...and that fresh passion for more time with him is normal.  Life is not fair.  You are correct.  You get through the holidays  one moment at a time. Before you know it, the days will pass. Put the celebration on the back burner and think on things that are blessings you still have.  Reflect on the meaning of Christmas...loving one another.  I am guessing someone in your life needs you to care about  them.  To be an example of love that goes on in face of loss.  You might not like this idea,  but maybe God has called you to do this for others?  Look for another hurting person and listen to them.  Share your stories.  Stay busy with doing something you enjoy.  Time will continue to help with healing in ways we cannot put in a numbered list.  Blessings to you.   lj

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