I'm sure many are with me on that I hate the holidays I find myself being a Grinch. I went to my husbands family Christmas party this past weekend and that was so very hard and overwhelming. Sunday was our 5 year anniversary of being together and I saw his headstone for the first time since it had been place. Nothing has felt so real as to see his name written in stone knowing that it's forever he's not coming back no matter how much I pray, wish upon a star or ask Santa. It's not fair, I see friends going on and enjoying the holidays and I didn't even decorate. This is my second round of holidays and it's no easier then the first. How is one to get through them? I'm angry and depressed this week I've lost sleep and have barely wanted to eat. I'm trying to hold it together but these days what's the point to make others happy, screw them and their happy families and Christmas cards. Those are the worst those dang Christmas cards I know people mean well but I don't want them. I don't want to be reminded that my husband isn't here to enjoy the holidays or that we didn't have a chance to have kids yet to open presents on Christmas morning. Just heartbroken and angry.