Just thought I'd post something positive here for those who are newly widowed because I know I searched desperately for some sign of happiness here.
A year and a half after John's death I'm not focused so much on the pain leading up to my beloved John's death and the enormous pain that followed his death because there's other stuff in my life to focus on.
Had a very nast ytrip injury one month ago in a caravan park a couple of days after I'd gone to a country town to teach. Face smashed into gravel- lots of bleeding- and broke a couple of front teeth on my partial denture. Seems that with civil liability act changes in this Australian state(NSW) I can't claim anything because legal fees would outweigh what I cold claim in lost earning for 7 working days and dental bills.
My doctor said I had a very good genetic profile for scar healing and he's been so right...thought I'd need plastic surgery on my face but going really well. Looking pretty again:)
Anyway, it's good to have something else to have flashbacks about (falling face first into sharp, lumpy gravel is no fun at all) and to worry about other than John's hospital stays and death. I don't know if that makes sense to others but it's good to have flashbacks to something other than his death...something to do with me.
Not the same relationship with my new partner (we can never replace exactly, I know) but he is so loving and happy to do what I want to do.
I am so lucky that I found him with John's help (see earlier posts) and I know that so many women my age - 63 - don't have a partner so I am very much blessed with this. He's very fit but has had knee problems recently from working on his yacht and I just hope that doesn't indicate anything sinister like leukaemia.....guess we all have our fears based on the past. He wants to see a chiropractor this week.
Anyway, just want to say that the nightmares I had so many times have been replaced by nightmares about my trip injury though they are diminishing.Basically - I HAVE MOVED ON.
New widows.....some of you will find love. You don't want it at the moment but some of you will truly find love and have a future with a loving man who will look after you if you are injured etc. And I guess some of you won't and will be happy ultimately about that.
I hope that helps someone because I know I was looking for a light for the future last year.