"Thank you" seems woefully inadequate these days.
It's just not enough.
Yes I've lost friends who can't handle being around someone who is a "widow" or has "baggage". I have dealt with "drive-by kindness" that was more about people being seen to help me then actually seeing me and helping me.
But then there are the others......
Others like my friend Ange who showed up with her husband Todd right after the police arrived to notify me of John's death and kept me going during those first awful hours
Others like the moms from school who swooped in in the days between John's death and when my family arrived to clean my house from top to bottom when I could barely see through the shock and tears
Others like the amazing women that I scrapbook with who took a bucket of photos and created beautiful picture boards for the funeral-and remind me to create new memories with Collin when I am ready to venture out
Others like my sister came and held me together through the awful days afterwards and up to the funeral and he's been back several times since
Others like my dear friend Erin who at the funeral stood in back so I would have someone to talk to when I delivered John's eulogy and who has been a rock ever since-she will be forever my wingman (really a wingwoman)
Others like the older scouts in our scout troop – young men who came up to me at the Funeral and said "don't worry, we've got Collin"
Others like Sarah, the awesome mom who set up the CareCalendar so people would know what to help me with-and for those Who brought us meals, mowed our lawn, and just stopped by to check on me
Others like my husband's friends who knew I couldn't handle Mother's Day two weeks after the funeral and took us on an airplane ride
Others like the investigating officer on John's case, who went through the car to find "The" red DS that Collin bought with his dad, got it released from evidence and got it back to us
Others like our friend Todd who volunteered to be my sons "plus one" at scout events and everything else with Collin. He is stepping in to help keep John's memory alive. And when I tried to thank him? His response is always the same "it has and always will be my honor"
Others like John's Mason brothers from the lodge – the ones who keep showing up stepping up and are surrounding Collin with great role models and memories of his dad
Other like the guys at work who are taking me out to lunch and have flat out told me they don't care if I spend the entire time talking about my husband and how much I love him-and mean it
Others like Pat, a good friend who I was afraid to call after the funeral because he lost his own dad at age 11. When I finally did talk to him and lost it on the call, saying I don't know what to do for Collin, said "don't worry, sweetheart, we'll figure this out together."
Others like the amazing people here at widowed village who step in and really "get it" and lean IN towards me when my heart cracks open and the raw grief comes pouring out
....and the list goes on
The words still aren't enough.
I have no words, no way to show you what your kindness has meant right now.
And so, I am back to those woefully inadequate words, backed by what is in my heart....