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I have been invited to a wedding`

But really, I don't want to go, Short of pulling the "W" card, how do I get out of this? I'd be going alone, I don't do weddings well anyway and about the last thing I want to deal with is risking a DUI, because I WILL drink at it and its in New Jersey and I live on Staten Island, so a cab isn't an option. How the Hell do I get out of this gracefully?

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Comment by DeeDee on December 14, 2019 at 3:01am

I’ve been invited to a wedding as well, my “w” card is still too raw and fresh, 3 weeks today. People mean well but don’t quite understand that events such as these makes it harder. I politely said “ thank you so much for thinking of me but I’m very sorry I’m unable to attend”. No excuse, no explanation. None needed :) 

wish you the best! 

Comment by dolly on November 19, 2019 at 9:11am

I have never heard it called the W thanks for the smile..Frankly the first time I had to check 'widow' on a form, it  was quite jarring for me. I even wondered if I wanted to join a place called 'widow village' :) but I am glad I did!  I am getting used to accepting the status of being a widow

As for the wedding, my 2 cents worth is just do what you really want...whether you use the W card or not, no doubt some will use it for you even  if you do not 

Anyway...I wish you only the best...we all need to try to be good to ourselves because we deserve it! God Bless

Comment by Don on October 28, 2019 at 10:34am

Hi Barb, I really only hear from or my relatives on holidays at theirs or my sister's house. My sister is the one who is close to them, especially since they all ran to Jersey and I'm still living in the house we grew up in. And ever since Arlene passed, I've felt like a 2nd class relative. They wouldn't "get" playing the widowed card because I really think they all buy into the 1 year myth. I've tried to explain to them but their eyes glaze up and they just tune me out. 

The only wedding I think I would go to right now is if it was one of my nephews.

Comment by vintage56(barb) on October 28, 2019 at 6:50am

Hi Don - how close are you to your cousin? I would do what Barbee says, if anyone asks, say, "I'm still not up to weddings, it's too sad for me." Or say it proactively to your cousin (if they are female) or cousin's wife. I think women are more understanding.

Comment by laurajay on October 17, 2019 at 5:01pm

Barbee- you  put  it  succinctly .   A card  or  gift  sent  with  best  wishes  and  statement  you  will  be  unable  to  attend is  sufficient.    BTW  if  you  received  a  printed  invitation  in  the  mail  it  probably  had  a  return  reply  card  so  they  can  plan  head  count  for  the  meal.  You  would  indicate  "  Regrets,  unable  to  attend... and  list  0   where it  asks  number  attending.   NO  explanation needed.  Just  be  sure  you give  your  name.

Comment by Don on October 17, 2019 at 2:19pm

My Cousin's son. Trouble is, I see them at holidays, which this is in the middle of. 

Comment by barbee on October 17, 2019 at 12:27pm

Well Don, you didn't say what the relationship is. You'd need to handle it differently if it was your daughter rather than a friend from work. I'm assuming somewhere in the middle. A wise someone (maybe Eleanore Roosvelt?) once said "Never complain. Never explain." That rule doesn't always work, but often remembering it gives me enough time so I don't blurt something without thinking. Why not simply send a card (with or without a check) and just say "Sorry I will be unable to be with you on your special day". There is nothing that requires you to accept an invitation to anything. Good luck!

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