It's been awhile since I've had anything to say. Profound sadness has had me locked up in a choke hold. I tend to retreat within myself during those times. Like a clam closing, it's shell. I'm feeling a little better, okay actually I'm feeling a lot better. From somewhere in my little clam world the theme from Rocky begin playing on a loop in my head. I thought I'd add it to this blog, just in case anyone needs a theme song to help them get up and kick grief in the bu bu butt! So, grief won that skirmish but I'm not down for the count just yet. I'm back and grief my diabolical nemesis is somewhere lurking and plotting against me.... and on to other nonsense and news,
So, anyway. After giving thought to how I am today, it occurred to me that I am a weather forecast. When did a simple question like (How are you doing?), get so complicated. How am I doing? Well let's see, today I predict a high-pressure system is moving in followed by clouds with a 98% chance of tears and moving on to the early afternoon the sun is expected to peek through with gusts of melancholy hitting me at 20 Mi/hr. ending the evening with an overcast night sky's. Tomorrow's mood, I expect a sunny morning with clear skies until late afternoon, at which time a storm front will be moving in, severe angst will be at an all-time high alert from 4p - 10p followed by an over night low of 3.5 hrs sleep. That was actually kind of fun, give it a try. What's your forecast?
Back to the real world question, How are you doing? ME: I'm doing very well. Thank you for asking. <Smile meekly and look away before the unsuspecting do-gooder catches the thunder rolling in my eyes.>
In the last two weeks, I've forgotten to fight the good fight. I gave in; tucked tail, rolled over and played dead. I'm not thinking that was the best thing for me. Of course, at the time it made sense, it was what I wanted. It was also selfish and dangerous. Introverted ppl like me really have to come out swinging and fight twice as hard to stay afloat. I wonder how specific personality traits and grief make living life during this "season" better or worse. Personally, I'm pre-dispositioned to be depressed. I know that so, it's up to me not to be my own worst enemy. Has anyone ever thought about that? What inborn traits have helped or harmed you along your journey? Are you mindful of what you do because of them? If not, think about it with me. Share, maybe we'll learn something. In keeping with the great Rocky Balbo, and who doesn't love some Rocky (please don't even go there) wise words from the best fictional trainer ever:
It ain't about
how hard you
It's about how hard
you can get