well its been around 20 mos. A lot of days i go w/out thinking about my husband or the sadness or i'll just think about him and i won't be hurt by it, but tonight i'm feeling really sad and really scared. I saw a friend of mine who had quit being friends shortly after my husband passed and just recently re-entered my life. He found out he had cancer the week he quit talking to me. Tonight he helped me out of a jam by picking me up from the bar and we went to eat. Frankie,my husband, meant a lot to him and his death has hit him hard. when i walked across the parking lot w/him i just got so sad, like a wave all over my body and it was an icky, terribly sad feeling. i used to have it a lot before i met my husband, and it wasn't until after we had been together a little while that that kind of sadness disappeared. My husband and i were brought together by God i believe and he saved us both.i miss him and i need him. my son has been grieving him, which i think is good b/c he doesn't show a lot of emotion for a long time-but i did find out my son has been sad a long time, which gets me in the gut. i was very sad growing up so i know what sadness is. Seeing my friend tonight kindof brought everything back. He's going to die. He doesn't know how much longer he will live but its a rare incurable kind of cancer. He talks about it. i think it just hit me and it reminds me of my husband. why does life have to be so hard?