Today I am hurting, I'm hurting bad, not to say I don't hurt everyday, but today it's as though there's a heavy weight on my shoulders that try as I may I cannot distract off myself.....tomorrow my babes will be gone 4 months, how can that even be possible? How am I even still here? How am I able to go to work, style my hair, crave and want food, desire entertainment, or do anything knowing he is not physically here? .....it's not fair and I keep asking myself, What now?! Where do I go from here? What do I do? Why am I still here? Why was I allowed to love him so deeply if he could so easily be taken away? I'm suffering, I'm so hurt and I want to lock myself in a room for a while with a comfy bed and honestly just keep sleeping, possibly for eternity if that were possible, I don't want to wake, I'm so much happier and oblivious to what's happened when I dream, especially when I dream of him.....I know where my true happiness is, it's with him! I see all the summer days coming ahead, and I want to have fun and exist within them, but I want my favorite person there with me.....I just wish this day were over and I was in bed, where I can go back to sleep.....I don't have the strength, I'm so exhausted from fighting to be and appear strong...I want it all to go away, I just for a moment want to feel as good awake as I do when I'm asleep. I wonder if my life would be viewed as a waste if I gave in and spent the majority of it sleeping?