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Today I am hurting, I'm hurting bad, not to say I don't hurt everyday, but today it's as though there's a heavy weight on my shoulders that try as I may I cannot distract off myself.....tomorrow my babes will be gone 4 months, how can that even be possible? How am I even still here? How am I able to go to work, style my hair, crave and want food, desire entertainment, or do anything knowing he is not physically here? .....it's not fair and I keep asking myself, What now?! Where do I go from here? What do I do? Why am I still here? Why was I allowed to love him so deeply if he could so easily be taken away? I'm suffering, I'm so hurt and I want to lock myself in a room for a while with a comfy bed and honestly just keep sleeping, possibly for eternity if that were possible, I don't want to wake, I'm so much happier and oblivious to what's happened when I dream, especially when I dream of him.....I know where my true happiness is, it's with him! I see all the summer days coming ahead, and I want to have fun and exist within them, but I want my favorite person there with me.....I just wish this day were over and I was in bed, where I can go back to sleep.....I don't have the strength, I'm so exhausted from fighting to be and appear strong...I want it all to go away, I just for a moment want to feel as good awake as I do when I'm asleep. I wonder if my life would be viewed as a waste if I gave in and spent the majority of it sleeping?

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Comment by Young Widow on November 20, 2015 at 12:09pm
Thank you all very much for your supportive comments and advice, it's been 9 months now since I lost my love, and I can honestly say I have been sleeping a ton whenever I can, I like the temporary escape to my dreams and I've even been lucky enough to dream of him sometimes, idk of my oversleeping will ever stop but right now I am indulging in it when I can, and I think it does help.
Comment by Hope on August 25, 2015 at 7:28pm

I so relate to your comments. It is hard and I too want to stay under those covers. I force myself to get up and when I do I actually do gain a bit of energy and am able to do something productive for a while before I crash again. I feel nothing but compassion for you. Maybe tomorrow you can give it a try.

Comment by Young Widow on June 17, 2015 at 8:36am
Thank you all for responding, I decided to take the advice and let myself sleep as much as I'm able. Having returned to work last month has made it difficult to stay sleeping as long as is like (I admit I think if I truly had the time I would & could sleep up to 15 hours plus if I wanted to)....but my day job and getting hungry wakes me.....to add insult to my already injured mental state I've recently caught an ugly cold :( now I'm reminded even more my babes isn't here to pamper & take care of me. And this cold makes me super exhausted, all I wanna do is eat sugar & salt, fear I'll start gaining weight. And also the cold fuels my fire to keep sleeping even more. I already had no energy, and this cold makes it worse :(
Comment by CandJ02 on June 12, 2015 at 6:41pm

Young Widow, I also hit the four month mark this week. And sleeping is all I want to do too. I don't want to talk to or be around anyone but him. The littlest things give me anxiety and you are right--it is exhausting trying to be strong for yourself and for others. I agree with Laurajay, sleep for as long as you want and are able. This mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion that comes with grieving is something no one ever mentions and it seems to never go away. Anyway, give yourself permission to take care of you in whatever form that takes. I know the hurt will never go away for you, but I do hope that eventually it will hurt less for you and for all of on here. Take care. 

Comment by Jessica on June 12, 2015 at 1:35pm
Me too, I would love to sleep through this bit. I am a bit ahead of you (seven months) but would love to curl up and let myself magically grieve in my sleep.
Comment by laurajay on June 11, 2015 at 12:55pm

Young Widow.  SLEEP.   Go ahead and sleep if you can.  The vast majority of healing the body takes place when we are asleep.  The cells go to work rejuvenating/rebuilding during deep sleep. At four months please understand you are normal with what you are feeling. Your grief is fresh and frightening. You want it gone-we all do.  You want him back-we all want our spouse back.  The grief takes time and you must give it time--as much as it wants.  There is no time table/  No way to know  when you will feel better.  Normal.  Hellish but normal.  You must at this early stage take care of you.  Sleep and good nutrition will give the body building blocks to heal while you work through your emotions and practical question of how to go on without him.  Please  for now just be your own best friend.   Keep expressing your thoughts and sharing your story  they help you heal.      lj

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