I am exhausted physically and emotionally I get plenty of sleep but I don't feel rested. I have not dreamed about anything I close my eyes and wake up. My whole world has been turned upside down on March 24 2016. I feel guilty that I let Mike leave the house that morning, my parents are gone Mikes parents are gone although I love my sisters and brother as well as his sisters and brothers, I have a few really good friends. I have my daughters but I feel so alone. I was at my lawyers office today and it hit me he was my life and my best friend and we did not appreciate each other like we should of the fighting arguing bickering he was a complicated man who had a hard upbringing which explains a lot about him I didn't really understand that until now. I don't even know if he knew that I loved him. I miss him so much. I work in retail so I see many people, i'll see a couple in their 60's walking hand in hand in the store and i'll get tears in my eyes that should of been us in 20 years or the wife getting upset with her husband because he is not ready to leave or spending money on tools that he already has at home, that would of been me.
We all know that one day one of us would end up going first it is a part of life. I'm only 44 Mike would be 49 in 2 weeks we are too young but as everyone on this site we are all too young their is never right age and no one is ever ready, I know life will go on and I will be with him one day, our girls need me so I know our meeting again, god willing, will not be for a long time. I just wish I could just wake up from this nightmare and have him right beside me