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Comment by Joyce on August 12, 2012 at 6:00pm

Oh cee, yesterday was 10 months for me, so I understand.  I still work and that helps a lot.  Today for the first time I cleaned out the pantry a little bit. Tom was the better cook in the house and I know most of the stuff will never be used again.  I agree I lost some of myself too when my hubby died.   You're lucky that you have friends that force you to go out.    Maybe a part time job would help.

Comment by Susan J on August 12, 2012 at 5:45pm

Cee,

The empty feeling is so hard. 10 months is still so new. It will, slowly, slowly improve. I am sending you a big, warm hug.

Comment by cee on August 12, 2012 at 5:27pm

Today is 10 months and as expected I am spending the day alone. I haven't really been crying, it is more of a lost empty feeling and no matter how many drawers or shelves I clean out and organize I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything.

I read the posts of the other members and wish I could feel comfortable responding to them like the rest of you do. I just never know what to say.  At one time in my life I was an outgoing friendly person but somehow lost my self, and the passing of my husband made it even worse.

I have tried getting out and doing things with others but can't wait until I can get home again, and unless I feel I can't get out of it I won't leave the house. I am lucky to have a couple of friends that won't take no for an answer but most of the time they are with their own families.

So back to the tv and the oldtime movies.  I wish everyone a peaceful day.

 

Comment by cee on July 11, 2012 at 2:49pm

I would like to thank everyone for their responses. I am sorry that I have not answered you. I'm not comfortable with putting my feelings out for everyone to see.  I will try to come on more. I have joined 2 of the groups but haven't had much to say in them.  I don't understand why I am feeling more lost and alone now then I did in the beginning.

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on July 3, 2012 at 2:28pm

Invisible - we often say we laugh through the tears or if we aren't laughing, we are crying. Widows are allowed to have whatever moods they want! I hope you keep coming around, this site saved my life and I have met several of the widows now. I have found when I have gone into chat and said "I just need a hug and someone to listen" people jump to. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need there, people are more then ready to listen and support. 

Comment by smit09 on July 2, 2012 at 7:21pm

Invisible.

Take your time with yourself during your grief.  Don't worry about feeling alone, we are all alone. AND take it from me, I live in a small town, the loneliness will follow you everywhere if you let it.---a fellow widow friend (on this site!!) describes it as the darker side of life gripping at you.  It's okay,...allow yourself to be who you are during this crazy reality that we all unfortunately know too well... eventually you will find the new you, and as alone as you feel on this site...the loneliness can linger, and we can help along the way, you are NOT the only one feeling this way,... whether you stay or leave, you can always come back... we all understand.

peace and healing,

stacy

Comment by janet on July 2, 2012 at 6:17pm

Invisible, as Gayle said just be yourself.  I don't get a lot of response to some comments or blogs that I post and sometimes in chat what I say goes by unnoticed.  I am learning that it is okay.  Honesty is what we all want and actually get from each other here.  We may not like what they say but it helps us to grow and move forward in this journey.

One thing I have learned is that for other people to like me I have to first like myself which is an ongoing process with me.  There are some days I truly do not like myself and other days I do.  Some days I feel totally lost and alone and others I am doing good and some days even great.

We could probably all at some point or another fake it here but then that would be doing a disservice to the members here and to ourself as well.  Saying how you really feel helps us to understand where you are coming from be it good or bad.  You are you and your feeling do count here and in the real world.  Just be who you are in the grieving process, good, bad or indifferent. 

 Peace and Hope to you. 

Comment by gcortez55 on July 2, 2012 at 5:52pm

Just be yourself in this. We all wear different hats in grief, somedays some of us are looking forward to life again and somedays we wish we could just be with our spouses. Connecting with others is a two way street no matter what form you use, be it in person or over the web. If you reach out people will respond here. Perspective helps a lot too. Coming into a support group thinking that no one is going to care or that they will treat you as being invisible kinda puts you in a mind frame of not receiving a connection well. Join us in chat sometime. I'm on most nights. I would love for you and I to connect! Don't leave yet, we are here for eachother! Love-g

Comment by cee on July 2, 2012 at 5:39pm

This is interesting. When I tried to to be a cheerful, upbeat person, (and I did join a couple groups), I didn't get much response. But now when I say how I really feel I get a lot of responses. So which hat do I put on?

Comment by Israel Girl (Chris) on July 2, 2012 at 4:15pm

Hi there.  I'm sorry you are going thru all of this loss and at the same time discouraged.  It IS an uncomfortable place to be.  I don't make friends quickly, and chatting by internet is uncomfortable.  But you know what?  We have to do a lot of things out of our comfort zone.  We can't pack it in and decide to be alone because that's not good!  It's also not God's plan for you or I.  Hang in there.  I went through a time where I was chatting some.  Lately, I just "stalk" - i read the chat.   Either way, do what's comfortable and good for you......but don't leave, lol!

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