I'm approaching my 3 year mark, October 11th will mark 3 years that my husband has made his transition. My life has been in whirlwinds since. So many changes. I put my house up for sale, I moved me and my 2 daughters into an apartment, we are happy here. Before we arrived in our new space, so many obstacles had to be moved out of our way. Unfortunately those obstacles were family members. My mother had 13 brothers and sisters. All of them had children, which resulted in me having over 100 1st and 2nd cousins. Until the time that my husband passed all was well with my family. Not so well with my husband's family and I have dealt with them with a long spoon since. I had no expectations from them, so it doesn't hurt so bad. But my family and their tactics to break me caused me to separate from them. They became mean, self-serving and pretty much set up a plan to disconnect me from my family and it worked. Prior to my husband and my mother's death I was protected by them. I was an active family member with no issues. That all changed in a matter of 1 day and with one text. Since that time, I have removed them from my life. I still love many of them, but they can no longer be in my life. The people I once called friends were relieved of that duty. So here I am now, in my safe place away from people who caused me harm. I am in a place where the widow community has become my pulse. But it's lonely. I waited to have this inner peace, but no one told me it would be lonely. More lonely than it was before. So now I have to decide what to do in my space and with my space. I don't want to be a burden, but I need a push start. There are so many things I want to do, but getting that motivation to remove myself from my side of the bed is difficult. Once I am out of the bed, and in the world I have experience happy things, met marvelous people and have begun to put a little joy back in my life. We attend so many workshops and talks about how to experience joy and foster resilience. But its the how that I am missing. I'm missing the how do you get the motivation to jump start your day?, when you don't have your husband by your side. How do you get the courage to go out and mingle with people you don't know?. How do you keep your space safe without over cluttering your space with your presence?