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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

 

Thirteen months ago I began this journey that I did not ask for, did not want. I do not know where it will take me but I hold hope in my heart that one fine day I will feel joy again. 

It has been so long that I have forgotten what it feels like when your whole being just smiles.  I do not think I will ever feel that again but I will settle for joy in seeing a sunrise or sunset. Right now I do not feel anything except sorrow.

I love being outdoors and walk a lot.  When I do walk I find myself looking for him. I lift my face to the sun and pretend it's his warmth touching me. I miss my husband with a desperation that scares me.

Praying for each one of us.

 

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Comment by CrazyWidow on October 21, 2011 at 8:36am
The time will come for having your whole being smile, but with a deeper understanding of what that means for us.  Hugs as you feel this sorrow now so deeply.
Comment by shayne on October 21, 2011 at 5:13am

Hi Poppys Girl

I understand exactly what you're saying; one of the things I miss the most of my Tim is the hugs. I remember his holding me and just feeling so safe and secure in his arms and then when the cancer took over I would hold Tim so he could feel the same. Crying now

Comment by NMWidower on October 20, 2011 at 11:35pm

((HUGS)) to you!  This is such a difficult journey and its so hard not to feel depressed along the way. 

If it is any encouragement, I have seen healing come in my life as I just kept on even through the hard days and working through the loss.  Keep walking and working through the grief.  I have found as I have done that that slowly my heart has been able to let go of the grief and a desire to live life again has returned.  It has taken a long time to get here, but if you keep going one day at a time, one day you will look back and see healing occur.  I pray you find hope and encouragement today and that you feel life and wholeness and joy again someday as you long and hope for.  May you have grace to help you until you get there too!  Pat-NMWidower

Comment by Lisa (lost) Lamb on October 20, 2011 at 10:47pm
Poppy's Girl, I know just what your saying. I look up at the sky all the time in the hopes at a glimps of him through the clouds or something. I think for me it's that hope about the little things that get me up each morning. I hope one day you do find that Joy back in your life....I hope we all do. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers
Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 20, 2011 at 7:17pm
(((((hugs))))) praying for all of us, too.

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