Life's funny like that!

Comment

Comment by chez2all on August 13, 2012 at 7:05am

Hi everyone...thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement and hope.  The people here continue to uphold me in my journey and I am, as always, humbled by the strength of all.  

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on August 11, 2012 at 10:53am

My heart hurts for all you've had to endure, Chez. You've done the hard part with the review of your life and the questions and the hurts. Step forward to your new home, a new job, a new life. Your beautiful, strong spirit is ready to see what joys are awaiting you. You'll help many of us along your journey, so please keep sharing with us.

Comment by bj628(Bonnie) on August 10, 2012 at 5:40pm

Chez, you are amazing and strong!  With his mental illness. I am sure he loved you the most he could. Something/chemical imbalance he had.. well you have lived through that... and now you know how strong you are.. ((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))

Comment by mamatrees on August 10, 2012 at 12:45pm

Thes are indeed the words of a loving woman,

who believed in love....

I am so sorry for your "different kind of grief",

but grief it is.

You are so strong,

i admire you.

Hug

Comment by hendrixx2 on August 10, 2012 at 9:57am

hi Chez,

You know, we are constantly amazed by our ability to not see things...but it is no crime...just being human; that love impacts us in those ways is to be expected I think.  Because of doubts, you cannot be certain of some things, having that assurance that you were loved, without reservation, and that, leading to you not being given the opportunity to grieve the way you believe you should.  It is a curious situation at best and a most painful at it's worse, I am sure; the not being certain...

I totally understand the burden you carried, being the ''responsible'' one...I too have been in that situation, the difference being it was DJ being the responsible one as I traveled a path of self destruction, not fully realizing that others were being taken along with me, or caring...having seen the results firsthand, I can fully appreciate the impact it can have on a relationship and the difficulties it brings.

Your expression is profound and the challenges may be many, please know that I wish only true Peace and Healing for you, and that the way forward will be made easier, thank you so much for sharing such deep and surely, personal thoughts...they have reminded me that today, despite everything, I have much to be grateful for....

Comment by kimkirt (KK) on August 10, 2012 at 9:29am

Chez, it took me a while to realize that my husband loved me the best that HE could. It hurts to the core when we realize they picked something over us (addiction, infidelity, whatever), but I do believe that deep in their hearts they truly love who they are with the best that they can.  Like we all are grieving differently, we all love differently. I am glad you are going foward and that you are "okay." Hugs to you!

Comment by Diane on August 10, 2012 at 8:09am

Reading your blog reminds me of that saying, It's not what happens to you in life, it's how you handle it.  I love your spirit, it's a beautiful thing. 

Comment by honeys(puddin) on August 10, 2012 at 7:23am

Keep up the good work:)

Comment by Suz on August 9, 2012 at 11:32pm

Dear Chez,

Life has thrown some very raw deals your way but you amaze me with your ability to rebound, regroup and find joy in your brood of kids. Obviously, the details feel very private but I get the feeling that you married a man who was living a lie or two and he could not live that way any more...and, trust me, I know I may be  taking a huge leap in the way my mind was going. I hope that, in the midst of this new knowing, you can hold onto the truth that these were clearly HIS problems, not yours, and  retain a belief in your own lovability.

I think you are an amazing person, full of love and life and joy. It shines through your grief and confusion. I am sad that it has robbed you of your grief. I hope there is a place for grief for losing the person you thought he was. That seems very legitimate to me. I can see, though, how terribly traumatic it has been for you and it makes me sad.

I am glad you feel you can move on and I hope there are some people whom you are trusting with your whole story. I just want you to know that I think there is room for you here. 

Big hugs, Chez. I think you are a very special person.

Suz

Comment by aussiewidow on August 9, 2012 at 10:33pm

Difficult, Chez, but looks like you're making the best of it.

I think a lot of men don't tell the whole truth when they first meet someone they want to impress. My husband lied about his age. It was a big shock to me to suddenly come across 60th birthday cards in a drawer when he was meant to be 57. That happened a couple of months after we met. There were a few other things too where I discovered he'd told some porkies or exaggerated.

However, he was basically an incredibly honest and straightforward man during our time together. So it wasn't like discovering things after his death.

Also......do we ever really know someone fully? We don't have Xray vision to see inside someone's head.

Chez, seems that you were the one who kept it all working for you, for him and for your family. So you're obviusly strong and organised....or can be.