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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I haven't written here in quite a while. I have been dealing with the loss of my husband through the waves that hit me sometimes with knowing and sometimes without. It's a struggle day to day to move on and realize that my life does have meaning. Now my worst are the fears and anxiety that builds in me. I am so lonely for companionship. I know to some, this is wrong, but I can't help it. I want and need to feel alive again. The loneliness kills me deeply. I went on dating apps just to talk and met some good men and was up front about my emotional state. Only one in particular caught my attention and heart. But, I think I pushed him away and now I feel I have made myself go backwards in time. This grieving is so painful. I miss my husband dearly and sometimes I just want to go kick his butt for leaving me so early in life. Some days, I wish God would take me after my teenage boys are settled in life as adults, but I know this is not a reality or something I should be thinking. Life is just so hard sometimes. 

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Comment by AandC on July 12, 2020 at 6:45am

Snowhite, I'm sorry for your loss. HUGS. Male Companionship is important is to the female. A feeling of love with affection, and security. 

Comment by Snowhite on July 12, 2020 at 6:27am

I am a lot older than you and just lost my husband in May, just 2 days before my 71 birthday.  I lost a man I had been married to for 35 years and even I long for male companionship.  

Comment by AandC on June 13, 2020 at 5:21am

Estragon and etc. 

I wish I could just have that "hanging out" aspect. I tried it with this man and becoming attached. We actually had a closure session a week ago with the understanding of "I'm not ready" and "I need to find myself first". He did tell me many times that I needed to take it slow, and I still just rushed through with insecurities and fear. It has been a week now, and I am now finding myself. I am understanding how to live again. I was doing a great job of this until this virus came along and tore all of that apart. 

Hanging out seems to be the easiest way to go....when I am ready.

Comment by Estragon on June 9, 2020 at 10:28am

Hi KMDH.  Actually, you are "talking to men" (I roll that way, actually), and you don't need to feel guilty about it.  I sent you a "friend request", which I think lets you send me a message if you ever want to "talk" to a man without any of the crap involved doing so "in real life".

Comment by KMDH on June 8, 2020 at 5:18pm

Thank you for posting.   I am lonely and lost. We did everything together and now I don't know what to do.  I don't want to be lonely.  I am not ready to  talk to men and I feel guilty thinking about it.

Comment by AandC on June 8, 2020 at 2:10am

ChaWi for your understanding. Understanding one another is a form of support that I appreciate. It is hard for people who have not lost their spouse/partner to understand the pain, anxiety, fear, and loneliness associated with this type of grief. 

I recently joined a widow dating site that can also be just to communicate as friends. I realized that a lot of men are on there preying on the vulnerable women. I was so overwhelmed that I just left in mid conversation with 5 men who were apparently not widowed. 

I would prefer to be with that one particular man that I have feelings for, but I did push him away. Then I just felt worse than I did before I met him. I was healing and now I have taken steps back. 

I just wished it was easier to live once again. 

Comment by ChaWi on June 7, 2020 at 11:01am

I totally understand how you’re feeling. I miss my husband so much all the time. Lately, my loneliness has been so much worse. We were so close and so comfortable with each other. I hate not having my person. I keep trying to get used to what is now my life but it just sucks. So, no I don’t have answers but I’m just saying that I hear you and understand. 

Comment by AandC on June 3, 2020 at 3:43am

Thank you all so much for your comments. Believe me, it helps. I just smiled and felt some sort of peace. 

HUGS back at you Tess. 

Comment by Debb on June 2, 2020 at 8:59pm

No you’re not weird. I think we could all use that in our lives. Perhaps some day it will happen naturally.

Comment by Estragon on June 2, 2020 at 7:28pm

Maybe I'm just weird, but why does it has to be so binary?  Is it not possible to have a relationship with someone, possibly of the opposite sex, which isn't the typical "whole enchilada" sort of deal?  I haven't done the dating after thing though.  Frankly, the thought of it scares the sh*t out of me, but I'd like to think I might be able to have something like a grown-up relationship with someone at some point.  Feelings are complicated, widow/ers or not.  What the heck is wrong with just hanging out and doing stuff that's comfortable and maybe makes us a bit happy?  Does it really have to be so hard?  

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