This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

I haven't written here in quite a while. I have been dealing with the loss of my husband through the waves that hit me sometimes with knowing and sometimes without. It's a struggle day to day to move on and realize that my life does have meaning. Now my worst are the fears and anxiety that builds in me. I am so lonely for companionship. I know to some, this is wrong, but I can't help it. I want and need to feel alive again. The loneliness kills me deeply. I went on dating apps just to talk and met some good men and was up front about my emotional state. Only one in particular caught my attention and heart. But, I think I pushed him away and now I feel I have made myself go backwards in time. This grieving is so painful. I miss my husband dearly and sometimes I just want to go kick his butt for leaving me so early in life. Some days, I wish God would take me after my teenage boys are settled in life as adults, but I know this is not a reality or something I should be thinking. Life is just so hard sometimes. 

Views: 203


You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

Comment by AandC on July 12, 2020 at 6:45am

Snowhite, I'm sorry for your loss. HUGS. Male Companionship is important is to the female. A feeling of love with affection, and security. 

Comment by Snowhite on July 12, 2020 at 6:27am

I am a lot older than you and just lost my husband in May, just 2 days before my 71 birthday.  I lost a man I had been married to for 35 years and even I long for male companionship.  

Comment by AandC on June 13, 2020 at 5:21am

Estragon and etc. 

I wish I could just have that "hanging out" aspect. I tried it with this man and becoming attached. We actually had a closure session a week ago with the understanding of "I'm not ready" and "I need to find myself first". He did tell me many times that I needed to take it slow, and I still just rushed through with insecurities and fear. It has been a week now, and I am now finding myself. I am understanding how to live again. I was doing a great job of this until this virus came along and tore all of that apart. 

Hanging out seems to be the easiest way to go....when I am ready.

Comment by Estragon on June 9, 2020 at 10:28am

Hi KMDH.  Actually, you are "talking to men" (I roll that way, actually), and you don't need to feel guilty about it.  I sent you a "friend request", which I think lets you send me a message if you ever want to "talk" to a man without any of the crap involved doing so "in real life".

Comment by KMDH on June 8, 2020 at 5:18pm

Thank you for posting.   I am lonely and lost. We did everything together and now I don't know what to do.  I don't want to be lonely.  I am not ready to  talk to men and I feel guilty thinking about it.

Comment by AandC on June 8, 2020 at 2:10am

ChaWi for your understanding. Understanding one another is a form of support that I appreciate. It is hard for people who have not lost their spouse/partner to understand the pain, anxiety, fear, and loneliness associated with this type of grief. 

I recently joined a widow dating site that can also be just to communicate as friends. I realized that a lot of men are on there preying on the vulnerable women. I was so overwhelmed that I just left in mid conversation with 5 men who were apparently not widowed. 

I would prefer to be with that one particular man that I have feelings for, but I did push him away. Then I just felt worse than I did before I met him. I was healing and now I have taken steps back. 

I just wished it was easier to live once again. 

Comment by ChaWi on June 7, 2020 at 11:01am

I totally understand how you’re feeling. I miss my husband so much all the time. Lately, my loneliness has been so much worse. We were so close and so comfortable with each other. I hate not having my person. I keep trying to get used to what is now my life but it just sucks. So, no I don’t have answers but I’m just saying that I hear you and understand. 

Comment by AandC on June 3, 2020 at 3:43am

Thank you all so much for your comments. Believe me, it helps. I just smiled and felt some sort of peace. 

HUGS back at you Tess. 

Comment by Debb on June 2, 2020 at 8:59pm

No you’re not weird. I think we could all use that in our lives. Perhaps some day it will happen naturally.

Comment by Estragon on June 2, 2020 at 7:28pm

Maybe I'm just weird, but why does it has to be so binary?  Is it not possible to have a relationship with someone, possibly of the opposite sex, which isn't the typical "whole enchilada" sort of deal?  I haven't done the dating after thing though.  Frankly, the thought of it scares the sh*t out of me, but I'd like to think I might be able to have something like a grown-up relationship with someone at some point.  Feelings are complicated, widow/ers or not.  What the heck is wrong with just hanging out and doing stuff that's comfortable and maybe makes us a bit happy?  Does it really have to be so hard?  

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service