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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It has only been 2 months since George's death and the loneliness clings to me like a wet shirt.  I knew when I married him that this day would come too soon as he was 14 and a half years older than me.  Even with his death, I don't regret my decision to marry him.  As the Garth Brooks song says... I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance.  For me, one of the worst things is having to put on the act of a happy face when I am dying inside as no one wants to be around someone who is unhappy all the time.  I am also sick of the platitudes.  Time will make it better, let God lead the way etc.  I miss him so much.  Even after 35 years, he was the most romantic man on Earth.  He wrote me love notes constantly, bought flowers for no other reason than to say I love you.  I just haven't figured out how to go on without him in my life.  It has only been 2 months since his passing and it seems like he has been gone for years.

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Comment by Callie2 on July 13, 2020 at 12:14pm


Just cry, let it out. The pain doesn’t go away overnight, it takes time.  You’ll be up one day, down the next.  Some describe it as “waves” or a roller coaster.  Either way, grief is likely to be more in control of you than you of it for a long while.  We all have to experience this in order to heal.  Things eventually will improve, hang onto hope.

I used to refer to the early days of grief, the “dark days”.  There is light on the other side of this darkness and you are headed in that direction.  Be patient and be good to yourself.

Comment by Snowhite on July 13, 2020 at 6:59am

Thanks Callie, Deb and Outwest.  George has been gone 2 months now and it feels like he has been gone 2 years.  I guess I have hit the wall because all I do is cry all the time but I am so tired of putting on the act that everything is okay, because IT IS NOT OKAY.  Everyone says   Oh Hi, how are you doing.  Well duh, how do you think I am doing.  I just smile and say I am doing okay.  (More acts to follow.)   By the way outwest, I am also outwest.  

Comment by Callie2 on July 12, 2020 at 9:56pm

Snow, sorry for your recent loss.  You must be grateful to have had such a caring husband.  While those memories bring tears right now, and they will for a while, in time they will be comforting.

I have listened to The Dance so many times, even prior to my husband’s passing. It took on a whole new meaning after that.  Love requires us to be vulnerable but it is worth the pain. I know it’s hard, but even grief comes with meaning.  My thoughts are much deeper now and i have become grateful for the  love we shared, it was truly a gift.  Wishing you strength and peace along your grief journey.

Comment by Debb on July 12, 2020 at 7:24pm

I understand how you feel. My husband was my best friend and it’s hurts very badly. I never expected to out live him we were the same age. We never retired together like we planned to. I miss him terribly.

Comment by outwest on July 12, 2020 at 4:42pm

Sorry for your loss. My wife passed away in April. The loneliness for me is the toughest part, we were both retiredI for 14 years. We were together most of the time, especially after dinner when I look around I expect to see her. I too get sick of the platitudes, I heard them so many times.

I hope that you can find some help and hope here to move forward. While all of our journeys thru this time are different,  the people in the village get it and know how hard it can be.

Take Care

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