It's been 5 long hard months since the day my sweet, wild, and wonderful Jerry passed away. It's been a real struggle to grow, and keep learning. Sometimes, I pushed myself, sometimes others have pushed me. Then there were the times when I threw in the towel and just had a bad day! Grief is hard work and it's taken me on one helluva ride. (Okay, stop I'd like to get off here.)....
Unfortunately, getting off isn't an option. I loved hard, therefore I grieve hard. I wouldn't change a thing.
When I first heard the term, Long Live Love I really didn't get it. I've had people tell me, he will always love me. Bullcrap, he's dead how does he love me now?, I'd wonder. My resentment of statements like that has been palpable at times. My emotions have reached a little bit of a plateau, for now, I can think, contemplate the past, ponder what's next and smile. The meaning of long live love, or what it means that our love goes on, well, it's slowing sinking in. In a fit of rage, desperation, or plain old sadness it may slip my mind but I take comfort in knowing the love we shared will be back to light the way to better days. I can hear him in my mind telling me, "If you just listen to me, everything will be lovely." (I hear ya, Babe!) Jerry had a knack for being right, 99.999% of the time. He told me years before his death that (in the event of) I'd be okay but it would be hard. Lord knows he didn't lie. Sweet memories are where our love resides and I'll always have them. The lessons learned from our life together still guide me, his love for me is in everything he taught me. Because I loved him so much I also love who he loved; his daughter and grandaughter's whom he was so proud of. The love I showed him every day goes to them now, it's brought us closer. I love them for me, for Jerry and for Jerry's late wife. His family is my family now and our love goes on. I gained a lifelong friend and two of the sweetest little girls in the world, Jerry's death sealed that deal. My love for him goes on through the way I live my life. Honoring what we meant to each other. Respecting myself. Accepting no less than what Jerry would want for me be it business dealings, friendships, or even future relationships. I'm getting stronger because we loved each other. Moving forward because I love him. Bless his heart, he counted on me to be okay. He loved me, so I will be. The circle of love will continue throughout my whole life, and long live it!