making progress

 When John was in the Hospital, he kept saying and apologizing for leaving me with such a mess.  He had been talking about closing his business for the last 2 yrs. Various reasons, and the economy. 

 I told him. look you just focus on you and don't get upset over the business and the Mess..

 Well I guess little by little I am trying to make some sense out of chaos... He was the sweetest man. Loved animals, enjoyed talking with people.. but OH my the business is a MESS. I closed it April 1st.

 I did get a loan modification on the mortgage after several tries.. and they told me.. it's not where you live?  What?

 So proof of occupancy.. and many forms and sspeaking with people I did get the modification.

 I have sold part of the business to the man I had hired after John passed. He is making small monthy payments. I also found another copy service/repair business to sell our customer base, and service contracts too.. This was not enough to pay off all the Bills.  I have been trying to pick away.. and make whatever payments I could.  This is st way too much for me to handle on disability and small pension... So I made the decision to go for Bankruptcy.. it was a hard decision, and I have them paid abot 1/2.. they will formally file as soon as I can pay them fully..

have more paper work,and I hope a payment to them tomorrow. I am also paying a tax attorney.as the taxes are a mess from an accountant had quite a few years ago,

I had my own career, until I had a stroke in 2003.  I went to John's copy shop for awhile, so he could "babysit" me. I would forget to eat, etc. I started doing some small things at his business and would compile paper work for the new accountant.

I had promised him, I will work on the mess.. and I am picking at things and seem to be makig some progress. I am not so overwhelmed. Yes there are days I would love to run run run away.. or bury my head in the covers..

I do not have you to talk to about these choices or decisions, but I am trying to do the best I can... I promised you I would..  There are days between stroke memory issues and widow fog.. i am not sure how I get from point A to B. but asking God, and hving an accountant and an attorney actually "helping me" I hope like hell I am headed on the right path.

John had so much colleed on our propert for "retirement projects" I have been able to sell some of this off... it is better than just looking at it or having it rot. and use whatever I can make to pay attorney & accountant fees.

Damn... never in a Million years would the so called "golden Years" would be ike this.