So may of us feel we're ageing, long to be hugged and held. Lacking confidence and energy.
Its been just over a year since my beloved passed away. He restored my life, we met 17 yrs ago - and it became a love of your life marriage. Loved the cuddles, the legs constantly entwined, if I sat up in bed reading a book, he would lie across the bed and my knees and look up at me. There was love, passion, fun, playful games, and just holding and gentle touch. Now of course I have the empty flat eyes that do not sparkle etc. What I do want to say to all of us is.. that it is not only the grief that is ageing us, it is something that has been studied medically. A man's pheromines have powerful effect on a woman's health. When young it helps balance her menstrual cycle, but it also helps with feelings of strength, and confidence, relaxation, and a great deal more. Some of the studies said that women who had sex at least every week were healthier... but there has been another aspect... because they realised that you do not to have to full sex, just cuddling - you are in his arms and his pheromines are around and on your skin. The effects on older women have been quite considerable, helping hormones, self esteem (because they feel stronger, and they do not age so much), and helps their confidence. Pheromines also help with attractiveness. Older women can still feel attractive and are attractive to men because of all these factors. Apparently one can buy pheromines to help us. Whatever we may feel about all this... the biggest BOOST for us is that we need men and they need us. I often wondered recently, why if I was taken by a volunteer driver (after being injured) to a clinic, I felt better. I thought it was some kind of energy that a man gave out, and we did as well. There was no touch but somehow after being in the car I felt better. It happened with a man who regularly comes to help me in the garden. I had more energy to go out and help. NOW I THINK IT IS BECAUSE I AM GETTING MALE PHEROMINES. I think it is worth investigating.... because women have pheromines as well... so we are making an effect on the men in a beneficial way. So it puts another dimension on our loss and why we feel so rough, look aged, and feel so lacking in energy. This is why we want to be hugged. Because so many of us have said if they were stressed they only had to have a hug or a cuddle from their husband and felt they were relaxed, at peace or felt protected.
When we look at the studies that have been done on all this and add these results to all our other grief issues we can see that this makes some sense. We are bereft physically, emotionally, spiritually, and now sensually from the smell of our beloved. A number of WV widows say they missed the smell of their husband and looked for that ''perfume" on their clothes. Finally, as many of us do not want to date or marry at this stage - we could have an improvement in how we feel through just being hugged by a willing man friend, brother-inlaw etc.
God bless you all