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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

It has been over five years since you left. In that time, I bought a house and sold it and moved again. I found a man who cares about me, and after we spent many months traveling across this nation, we decided to commit to a relationship. Most days life is wonderful and safe and comfortable again. There are some days -- and sleepless nights -- that still feel lonely and confusing. Today in my reading I found a sentence that helps me understand  this mish-mash of emotions: "Moving on is not forgetting; it is being able to remember without hurting."  I suddenly realized I do not hurt in the physical way that I first did in grief. Our children and grandchildren are wrapped up in some of those old memories, so you shall never be forgotten. I have moved on and you are still with me.

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on May 11, 2018 at 5:06am

Sounds like The Neutral Zone of Transition ...
The in-between stage of development during grief ...
Letting go of the past while not fully being in the present ...
This happens whether re-married, unmarried or in a relationship ...
From my experience, my grief buddies as well as observing others, it tends to happen at or around 5 years out - for some its later. The now defunct widow board I use to visit was divided into sections by year. Widow/ers under 1 year were in one section, so on & so forth, however they were free to visit other forums. The 5 year category is where change was most evident. Myself & many others felt disconnected from the past to emotionally not connected to the present. Tiredness & fatique, questioning accomplishments, unsure of past decisions - many questions & issues that basically come down deciding to new priorities, developing new ways of thinking, new possibilities while making a bold step of letting go ...
The grief journey continues ...

Comment by Mamitha on May 10, 2018 at 10:50pm

I hope to be there in that spot some day. And i love that.. moving on is not forgetting..

Comment by Blue Snow on May 9, 2018 at 10:02am

Nicely said!

Comment by only1sue on May 4, 2018 at 1:39am

I agree Ray is present for me whenever I am with the grandchildren, whenever I am with old friends but many times now I am the new Sue, post Ray, post marriage, just your average elderly widow. I am sure that is the way people see me who do not remember Ray and I as a couple. I am glad you found a new life Barbee, long may it continue to make you happy.

Comment by Callie2 on May 3, 2018 at 4:50pm

Interesting insight Barbee. Glad you found that explanation, it really does make a lot of sense. Wishing you lots of happiness!

Comment by Rainy (Misty) on May 3, 2018 at 3:24pm

Barbee, my hat's off to you!  I hope one day I'll find my way too.

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