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It's been 3 years and 4 months since my Husband died.  Never did I think that he would be gone at age 57.   We had plans on traveling the U.S. once he retired.   The 2 months from diagnosis to his death are a blur some days and other times I can remember every event: so many hospital visits (1 month in total) because of the toll the cancer was doing to his body.   One of the saddest things was when he had to start using a walker to get around because of neurological issues.   I never left his side and tried to contain my emotions.   I would cry and let the tears flow when I was alone.   The only time he saw me lose it was when we were given the diagnosis.   I told him that 31 years wasn't enough time with him and I wasn't ready for it to be over.   Oh my, I can still feel those raw emotions surfacing.   He was so concerned for me and how I would be when he was no longer here.   He was the sweetest, kindest, person I have ever met.  One of his most enduring qualities was his sense of humor.   That is what attracted me to him.   Even in some of our hardest times, he made me laugh.   We blended 2 families together and his step-children always considered him their Dad!   He was the best Papa ever to our now 10 year old Grandson.   I have made a lot of changes since his death including selling our condo in the city and moving to a small town which I love.   I have made new friends and some old friends have disappeared from my life.  I am so blessed to have my children and Grandson.  I am still adjusting to living alone.   This is a hard one!   On the hard days, I remind myself about all that I have and I am grateful.   I feel my Husband's presence around me and when I have to face difficult things just knowing that he is here has helped me.   I am thankful for all of the memories that I have.  I am hoping that the sadness lessens one day!   This is a hard journey.

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Comment by lizbeth4 on August 8, 2016 at 4:45pm

I agree with you Callie2.   I am remembering more of the good memories than the sad ones now.   I will never get over his death but I am learning to live with it.   It is hard to take care of all the problems and not have someone to lean on but what can you do?   I do have a lot of positives in my life.   I refuse to let his death make me into a bitter, depressed  person.   He would not want that for me.   He would want me to live a full and happy life.   That's what I am trying to do.

Comment by Callie2 on July 27, 2016 at 1:57pm
Yes, it is hard. We all have those days, whether it's due to grief or a problem relating to something our husbands once took care of, but we continue to get by. Glad you can remind yourself of the positives and that you are making new friends, two things that help us in the healing process. We will always carry with us the memories but in time, they won't be as sad--you'll remember more of the better times. I often tell people I know I'll never get over it but I have learned to live with it.

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