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It has been 3 months today, that I awoke to comfort you as I thought you were having a bad dream. I immediately realized you were not having a bad dream; something was terribly wrong. Instincts set into motion and I began CPR, called 911, then called Mary Alice (neighbor who is a former paramedic) -who arrived within minutes. We continued working on you, then Craig (Mary Alice's husband) arrived - he said a quiet prayer and took over the compressions. I kept thinking, "where is the ambulance?!". It seemed an eternity, but the ambulance finally arrived. I was amazingly calm, but felt I was walking through "mud"....slow motion of mud. I awoke our 16 year old son as I did not want him to awake to to the chaos going on downstairs. He (our son) went from having a loving father patiently helping him the night before with a chemistry project, to seeing his father in a state no 16 year old (or any child of any age, for that matter) should ever see. He said, "mom, he's going to be ok, the monitor (heart monitor) is moving up and down". Mary Alice, gave me "that look". That "look" meant the EMT's were doing compressions and artificially creating the heart rhythm. I knew....I knew the minute I looked at him when he awoke me that he was gone.
How could this be? How could a man who lived life to the max each and every day be gone? A man who others called "McGyver", "man-scout", "Bruce the Moose". A man who was the most honest human being I have ever met...who would do ANYTHING for his fellow man....a man who loved his children with all his heart and soul, a strong, healthy man who chopped wood 7 days a week, a man who would hike for hours on our property enjoying God's creation, a man who would say, "we're burning daylight"-seizing each day to the fullest and never, ever complaining, a man who gave well over 200 hours each ski season as a volunteer National Ski Patrol, while working a 6 day work week, a man who was a beloved Outdoor Emergency Care Instructor, a man with a brillant mind, who was curious about the world around him. A man who loved children and animals. A man who was the kindest soul. I loved him so and still do. How could this be? You just had a full medical exam. I don't understand. But I have decided I don't have to understand. I am just going to trust and trust with all my heart and soul.
Your Celebration of Life Service was beautiful. I have a feeling you were smiling down upon us all, as we celebrated your beautiful life. Over 600 people attended your service.....you were so loved and still are.
Bruce, at this 3 month mark, we are doing ok....in all my questions above, you have answered them as you taught us how to LIVE and that, we are doing. It is hard, but God is faithful and I am trusting Him on this one. I know this is a temporary separation and we WILL see you again. You left two amazing kids who I see a peek of you in each one each day. They are resilient kids-just like you. Instead of mourning (well, I am a bit-sorry but the tears are still so raw) this day, I am going to seize it in your loving memory, after all, I don't need to be "burning day light". I love you.