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My Sweet Bruce-3 months today
It has been 3 months today, that I awoke to comfort you as I thought you were having a bad dream. I immediately realized you were not having a bad dream; something was terribly wrong. Instincts set into motion and I began CPR, called 911, then called Mary Alice (neighbor who is a former paramedic) -who arrived within minutes. We continued working on you, then Craig (Mary Alice's husband) arrived - he said a quiet prayer and took over the compressions. I kept thinking, "where is the ambulance?!". It seemed an eternity, but the ambulance finally arrived. I was amazingly calm, but felt I was walking through "mud"....slow motion of mud. I awoke our 16 year old son as I did not want him to awake to to the chaos going on downstairs. He (our son) went from having a loving father patiently helping him the night before with a chemistry project, to seeing his father in a state no 16 year old (or any child of any age, for that matter) should ever see. He said, "mom, he's going to be ok, the monitor (heart monitor) is moving up and down". Mary Alice, gave me "that look". That "look" meant the EMT's were doing compressions and artificially creating the heart rhythm. I knew....I knew the minute I looked at him when he awoke me that he was gone.
How could this be? How could a man who lived life to the max each and every day be gone? A man who others called "McGyver", "man-scout", "Bruce the Moose". A man who was the most honest human being I have ever met...who would do ANYTHING for his fellow man....a man who loved his children with all his heart and soul, a strong, healthy man who chopped wood 7 days a week, a man who would hike for hours on our property enjoying God's creation, a man who would say, "we're burning daylight"-seizing each day to the fullest and never, ever complaining, a man who gave well over 200 hours each ski season as a volunteer National Ski Patrol, while working a 6 day work week, a man who was a beloved Outdoor Emergency Care Instructor, a man with a brillant mind, who was curious about the world around him. A man who loved children and animals. A man who was the kindest soul. I loved him so and still do. How could this be? You just had a full medical exam. I don't understand. But I have decided I don't have to understand. I am just going to trust and trust with all my heart and soul.
Your Celebration of Life Service was beautiful. I have a feeling you were smiling down upon us all, as we celebrated your beautiful life. Over 600 people attended your service.....you were so loved and still are.
Bruce, at this 3 month mark, we are doing ok....in all my questions above, you have answered them as you taught us how to LIVE and that, we are doing. It is hard, but God is faithful and I am trusting Him on this one. I know this is a temporary separation and we WILL see you again. You left two amazing kids who I see a peek of you in each one each day. They are resilient kids-just like you. Instead of mourning (well, I am a bit-sorry but the tears are still so raw) this day, I am going to seize it in your loving memory, after all, I don't need to be "burning day light". I love you.
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Comment by M'LADY on November 8, 2012 at 6:08pm -
I just read your entire post not once but twice, I drank in the sheer love you had for him. I couldn't help but know the feeling in your heart when you were having to tell your children, The pain they are having is so hard I kept hearing over and over when Ed died "why Daddy???? He never smoked....he never drank....he ate right? Why Daddy Why why why???" Ed never even went to the doctor ( our down fall now). Thank you for writing and sharing your pain. Hugs Colleen
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Comment by suebru (Sue) on August 7, 2012 at 9:29pm -
Thanks, Suz. You are such a sweetie. I am doing well-thanks to this site, folks like you and caring/supportive friends. Bug hugs, Sue :-)
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Comment by Suz on August 7, 2012 at 7:41pm -
Sue,
Hope the three month anniversary went ok. Your Bruce sounds like a peach of a guy.
Sending hugs and caring thoughts,
Suz
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Comment by suebru (Sue) on August 7, 2012 at 5:37pm
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Thank you all for your encouraging posts. Love, Sue (Suebru) :-)
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Comment by lovie on August 7, 2012 at 9:43am -
Suebru, trust and faith in God has gotten me to where I am today. Three years out and I know that a beautiful life is ahead for me. Your "Bruce the Moose" was such a generous man with his time, helping others and caring for his family. He is rejoicing in all the glory that God promises...job well done. Prayers and peaceful thoughts to you and your family.
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Comment by topwag (Becky) on August 7, 2012 at 7:59am -
Sue, thank you for sharing with us. Bruce sounds like your knight in shining armour. It is so important to let people know who they were and what they stood for and you did a terrific job of showing what a wonderful individual he was. Share the memories and the healing will begin. It is a long painful journey and we are all here for you to listen and wrap our cyper arms around you. Peace and Blessings.
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Comment by telechick on August 6, 2012 at 7:18am
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A lovely tribute. He sounds like a wonderful man and I'm glad he lives on in your children. Many hugs!
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Comment by Rebirth.Tanya (Tanya) on August 6, 2012 at 12:46am -
A beautiful tribute to an obviously amazing man- sending you and your children prayers of love comfort and strength...
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Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on August 5, 2012 at 10:54pm -
Oh Sue..such a lovely tribute to your love. Carpe Diem. Love and peace to you.
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Comment by NC Coco on August 4, 2012 at 3:19pm -
Truly beautiful words, Sue - Bruce sounds like quite a guy. When you said you felt as though you were "walking through mud," I remember that I compared it to walking through jello, just moving so slowly. My tears still flow, sometimes at the oddest moments, but I no longer try to stop them.
I so look forward to seeing you on Monday, Nini
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