My thoughts

Since John had been admitted to the Hospital (VA about 90  miles south one way) I was trying to run his business from my cell phone. I knew a little, but he handled all the purchsing etc. I did manage to run home for a day or weekend. to try to get some things done. My daughter had ben working, but took Family leave to help with business and out pets.

For the past 10 months, I did try to keep the business open, but just couldn't make it.  Last yr he had been talking about closing it and retering.  I think the 10 months, the real Financial mess. and things here ar home kept me overwhlemed and busy. Since May 1st of this year. I think I am beginning the grieving process and reaity setting in.

I am also a stroke survior of 9 years. I only went to the business a couple times a week when he was alive.
Anyhow it is closed, I have huge financial mess, and trying to work through it ..

I somtimes think if I didn't have 5 old dogs and 2 elderly cats.. I would just walk away and say "screw it"  This is the 4th time starting over... 2 divorces, one was when I was Young and very stupid. and now 2 late husbands.

I will try to hang on here... for our beloved pets.  John bought me our first minature pinscher, in 1996 he is 16.  He said to me in Hospice House,  I never thought Muggsy would out live me..

My furbabies have been dear to me and snuggle and lick my tears! I know John will be meeting them at the rainbow bridge.. and is united with 2 who have already gone there.

Somtimes (wih the exceeption of here) I feel my dogs keep me going..

As others our retirement dreams are gone.. He told me several times.. I am leaving you with a mess.  I tried to assure him, it wasn't his fault.. and somehow I would get through it.. there are days I just want to run away from it all....but I will keep our fur babies as comfortable as I can until they cross the rainbow bridge..

My daughter is 45 and ives with me here, her husband was here... but he got a job 4 hours away, they are workingon their marriage and he came this weekend to help..said he will come on weekends,and they will see how the marriage works out.

Hanging in there.. and trying to sort out soooo much stuff he had collected for "retirement projects" 

The bucket list... well someone has cut out the bottom of the bucket..