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Well..i did it. I changed my profile picture to just "Me" instead of "Me and Paul".  The reason for this is simple. It is just "me" now. I am still wearing my wedding ring, still feel "married" to my baby, I do not wish to date, but, I felt it was an important step in "moving forward" for me. I think it will help me accept there isn't an "us" anymore. I am not sure what has given me this new found attitude, except the passing of time. And I am certain, that this doesn't mean I'm done grieving the death of my husband. No, I still have more crying to do, more things to let go of. But I do feel that I'm inching my way towards letting go of the future that I thought I was going to have with him. And so, there is hope for me yet. And a different future, although tenuous and uncertain as of yet - I move forward in faith that my broken heart will continue to heal a bit more each day. It will never quite be the same I know, but it continues to beat. So, I keep on going.

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Comment by smit09 on October 12, 2012 at 2:23am

Oh Ali.

how strong of a move.

I remember making that decision to switch my profile pic to jack and i instead of craig and i.  It's just more relevant even though it pains us to do it, I remember pondering "are these widow ppl going to think that I loved my husband less?" LOL...it makes sense, but there is no rush.

I've been doing things quarterly in my first year.  Right away my ring came off "if he cant wear this thing, neither will I" 

3 months into grief, I created the craig calage in the living room, but packed away all his clothes.

6 months into grief, I started to remove some of the photos off the wall.

9 months into grief, I removed a few more.

I just passed the year mark, and there are no more pics of the Craig calage wall.  

I cried like a baffoon when I went to pay the newspaper place for putting Craig's face in the memorial section.

the pain never goes away, but it does subside every now and again.

xo

Comment by rodsgurl09 on October 1, 2012 at 7:53pm

It's a beautiful picture, Ali. Yes, there is hope for you, there is hope for all of us. All we can do is keep going. Wishing you peace. xo

Comment by Kate on October 1, 2012 at 2:07pm
Ditto, to everything you said! I just last week changed my Facebook profile pic to one of "just me" I felt it was a huge step in my moving forward too, although not one of my friends made that connection. Thanks for posting this, it's validation for me that it was indeed a HUGE step. Maybe I'll change it on here too. Thanks Ali.
Comment by kimkirt (KK) on October 1, 2012 at 10:04am

Ali - it is a big deal, these things, these changes we make, that may seem so small to others who don't understand. I read hope in your blog post and I like that for you. HUGS!

Comment by Dianne in Nevada on September 30, 2012 at 9:44pm

Big step indeed, Ali, and a really great post. (And I love your new photo.)

Comment by bad ass widow on September 30, 2012 at 3:47pm

Wow, big step Ali.  Big steps, little steps, they all count.

(((hugs)))

Comment by SpiritWalker on September 29, 2012 at 6:25pm

Very huge step Ali...hugs...its one step at a time and the direction is always yours. 

Comment by Morgana (Janet) on September 29, 2012 at 5:59pm

Ali, it is a big step for any of us.  The letting go little by little is hard but for each of us to find who we are as ME is a part of this journey.  I find I don't cry as much when I talk about Jim as I did in the beginning when I could not talk about him at all.

It is a big step for you or for anyone of us to be able to do that.  I wish you Peace and Hope as you continue to let go of things that will no longer be and you travel this journey called grief.

Comment by AEDforever (Ali) on September 29, 2012 at 4:28pm

yeah, Fred. Thanks. Was kind of a big deal for me. I get a little teary eyed thinking of it just being "me" now. So, is a big step for me. I know it's just a picture, but it represents a big loss for me. thanks for understanding.

Comment by AuntT (Steph) on September 29, 2012 at 4:18pm

Beautiful! I go back and forth. In order to survive and have a life we must let it go slowly over time. Love You

 

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