NO how to book or instructions for this journey.

I have always been a gal that loved the how to book or stuck to the instructions for putting things together, running the VCR, or even my coffee grinder, but have found out there is no quick book or instructions for grief.  

   In college we did the death and dying process and how it applied to many things, I learned how to work with those dealing with loss, addiction, and mental health issues.  But, come to myself dealing with my husbands ALS, and eventual death there has been no leg up with my professional experiences.   Yes I know the phases but to figure out which I am in each day is a task.   Knowing what I would tell a client vs myself are like me speaking greek to myself. 

   I wake each day and it is a chore to get going.  My mind is mush if I don't do a note it does not get done.  I am on auto pilot going through motions.  When asked how am I doing all I can say is Okay since most really don't want to know the truth.  Heck half the time I don't even know how I am doing.  

    I will take each day as it comes, and perhaps one day soon I will get out the tears that are waiting under the surface, and take joy in the time we had together rather than the time lost.