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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Don't really seem to fit here anymore.  I am still looking for counseling to get my head straight and maybe that is the only way it will be.  It is just ironic that after I lay out the whole history of what has happened over the last say 10+ years it feels like the therapists don't believe me or are just desensitized.  As much as I have tried to reinvent myself, I am still haunted by the past, the decisions I had to make, and all that happened between then and now.  The new theory is trauma therapy.  I guess I will just wait and see.

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Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on April 13, 2017 at 9:06pm

It might sound strange when I say you are barely 5 years out ...As much as widows further out try to spare the reality of the length of grief, there are times it needs to be revealed. When I became widowed, it was easy to find lots of Web info stating grief ended between 8-10 years. However, there are many people who have disputed it. Unfortunately, I have found people who claimed their grief ended in 5 years or less based it in on a few weeks of doing well rather than many months of consistent well being & ability to cope normally. The problem was they no longer knew what it felt like to be w/out their companion - the weight of grief. What they did know at 5 years out is the grief was more bearable. When I stopped, it threw me for a loop - I thought something was wrong w/me even though I woke up excited to start my day w/plans racing through my brain faster than I could process them. The end of grief feels like being light as a feather --- waking up to a whole new world with different eyes that as been longed for over the many years --- a happiness free to feel w/out a hint of guilt or recrimination --- laughing while stretching one's arms out slowly turning in circles to take in the full beauty of what was always present but now truly felt mind, body & soul (w/out deliberate intention) --- an exhilarating release of weight ...

If you are looking for suggestions to help w/trauma, look for a an therapist licensed & experienced in EMDR therapy. It does not cure grief, however, it is very helpful in desentizing the memories that triggers the trauma. The only thing that cures grief is the natural process, but it can be relieved. I also used massage after EMDR to further well being throughout my body as an addition to my relaxed peace of mind. These modalities were my lifesaver as a young widow w/2 kids suffering trauma from my husband having been killed in a car collision that broke his neck & crushed his head as well as it being compounded by enduring 3 years of monthly court proceedings for the young man (19yrs old) who killed him. All I can say is I thank God I was already in EMDR therapy when the young man was only sentenced to 18 months probation due to evidence being suppressed in a deal made w/the kid's highly expensive prestigious attorney & the stupid ass deputy district attorney. Who knows what would've happened if I hadn't been in EMDR therapy, I might have jumped over the barrier to beat him up myself. :-)

Take heart, it can & will get better when you find what is best for you ...

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