Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Hi everyone, it is awhile since I posted. I have just gotten through the 1st anniversary of my husbands death. It was a very sad day but not as bad as I thought it would be. I went out with a friend who had lost her husband 18months before I lost mine. We went to a movie and then went to his favourite Thai restaurant for lunch, i had a glass of wine to toast him as he loved a glass of wine. My family and friends all posted lovely messages on facebook and my beautiful granddaughter sent me a replica of the flowers we had on his casket. It was a lovely thought from her. I am getting over t he terrible longing for him that I had in the beginning but it is still there and I don’t think it will ever go away completely.. life is so different now from what it was when he was here. The days when I am home all day on my own are the worst. Sometimes I look at his picture ad smile or cry or both. Even though I don’t cry all day as I used to, the pain in my heart is still there and sometimes I think it will burst. I wrote a poem for him t hat I would like to share with you.

THE BEAUTIFUL SONG HAS ENDED THE LIGHT HAS GONE OUT OF MY LIFE

EACH DAY IS STILL A STRUGGLE TO GET THROUGH THE PAIN AND STRIFE

MYMIND SAYS THERE ARE BETTER DAYS MY HEART CRIES NO THERES NOT

HOW WILL I LIVE THE REST OFMY DAYS KNOWING WHAT I HAVE LOST

YOU’D SAY PLEASE DARLING DO NOT CRY I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE SAD

I JUST WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THE WONDERFUL LOVE WE HAD

AND I DO ALWAYS REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT IS WHY THIS PAIN IN MY HEART WILL NOT GO AWAY

SO MANY MORE YEARS I WANTED WITH YOU TO GROW VERY OLD BY YOUR SIDE

TO HOLD YOU CLOSE AND KISS YOUR FACE A NEVER ENDING RIDE

BUT NOW I HAVE THIS NEW LIFE THAT I HAVE TO GET THROUGH

KNOWING THAT IT NEVER WILL BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU

SOME DAYS  I SMILE AND  GET THROUGH THE DAY SOME DAYS I’M VERY BLUE

BUT I MUST ALWAYS REMEMBER I WAS VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I hope some of you at least are able to have some good days as we all go through this journey that none of us wanted to take.

Thoughts to you all.

Views: 127

Comment

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

Comment by Noelene T on February 21, 2019 at 3:15pm

Heidi, my heart goes out to you. To lose one person you love dearly is hard enough but to lose two in quick succession must be unbearable. Al the “firsts” are extremely hard. On mu husbands anniversary a friend and I went to his favourite Thai restaurant for lunch and had a glass of wine to toast him. It was not the same without him but in a way it made me feel close to him, i talk to his picture and kiss it goodnight and good morning everyday. We just have to do anything we can to help us get through this sad time. I don’t think it gets better, I think we just have to learn to live with it and adjust. Like you said we were not perfect, just perfect for each other and I can relate to you saying your saying his sane to your crazy. We were the same. Not being able to hear his voice or feel his arms around me are the things I miss the most. I hope you get through your anniversary and his birthday without too much sadness, although that is like saying the sun wont rise today. Keep his memories close and hold him in your heart. Best wishes

Comment by Heidi57 on February 21, 2019 at 9:20am

Thank you for sharing your poem.  It resonates with me especially the "now I have a new life than I have to get through....."  My husband, Gord, passed away on Sept. 22/18 age 64.  We'd been together since I was 17 and married for 42 years.  We would laugh when we'd say neither of us were perfect just perfect for each other.  I also would say "he's the sane to my crazy."  Our sons would nod their heads.  :o)  

Valentine's Day 2019 was especially hard without Gord but also devastating as my baby brother (age 52) passed away on Oct. 11/18 just a few short weeks after my husband and Feb. 14 was his birthday.  Our families were especially close and Gord had been David's big brother since he was 8.  Not having either of them to talk to is so very, very hard.  I've been thru the first Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's without Gord but I'm dreading our anniversary on May 1 and his birthday on May 16.  

Comment by Racingfan60 on February 19, 2019 at 4:52am

That poem really expresses the way I feel each and every day it has been almost 3 years since I lost my husband suddenly at the age of 59. I feel as if life will never be the same for me.

Comment by Noelene T on February 18, 2019 at 1:41pm

Hi Diva, thank you for your kind words. I know what you mean about being on your own. The worst time for me is at night when it s quiet and only the tv is on. Through the day I can find things to do but at night I find myself yearning for his presence and his touch. I think the hardest thing about grief is not being able to touch the one you lost or hear their voice. I sometimes talk to him when I am lonely and tell him how I love him and how much I miss him. Although it brings on tears it seems to help. We all have to do what is right for us and get through it the best way we can. I don’t believe you ever get over it, I think you just have to learn to live with it and it is hard. Hope you find it easier in the future.

Comment by Noelene T on February 18, 2019 at 1:31pm

When I was in the hospital with him on the day he died he was only semi conscious and as the day wore on he slipped into a coma. At first I kept saying to myself “please don’t go on Valentine’s Day” but as the time wore on Iknew Iwas being selfish, and that I didn’t want him to go for my own sake. So I sang our special love song to him softly and told him how much Iloved him. Then I whispered in his ear that if he needed to go it was all right, i understood. He had fought so hard it was time for him to rest. It broke my heart to say those words to him but I knew it was the right thing. He passed peacefully in my arms at 7.30 that night. Valentine’s Day will always be a day of sorrow for me now.and as you say people tell you it will get better but some of them have no idea what we are going through. Although Gil was 85 and I was 79 we never fell out of love. And that is the hardest part I think. I hope you find some peace in the lovely memories you both had as do I. Unfortunately it doesn’t make up for them not being here and I for one will miss him till the day I die. Keep smiling

Comment by sis on February 18, 2019 at 6:14am

My heart hurts for you. I know how emotional it has been for me having my anniversary connection to Valentines Day. As soon as Christmas is over you get bombarded with everything Valentines and there is little chance of getting away from it. I've been told that "it gets better" but I cannot find any comprehension in that when the country is shouting the date over and over. God Bless you.

Comment by SweetMelissa2007 on February 18, 2019 at 5:14am

Diva70,

If you have not put yourself on a daily grief schedule, you might want to try triggering your grief rather than allowing it to take you down unexpectantly. Not releasing disrupts sleep & daily functioning ...

Take care of your grieving self ...

Peace ...

Comment by DIVA70 on February 18, 2019 at 2:41am

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. April 29th will be a year for me and already I am getting anxious. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble sleeping. So much in your poem resonates with me and echoes my feelings. I have friends who have been without their spouses 3 or more years and they tell me life will get better. My happiest moments are when I'm with my grandchildren or attending church. But the worst for me are those times when I'm all alone and I begin to think about what we would be doing at any certain time. Sorry for rambling on. Love your poem. Take care.

Comment by Noelene T on February 17, 2019 at 11:46am

Thank you for your comments sis. I lost my husband on Feb 14th, Valentine’s Day. It is a hard day to get through as everyone else is celebrating with their loved ones. I will be thinking of you in March. As y ou say all the firsts are exhausting and some are harder to get through than others. Our lives will never be the same, we need to make some sort of a new life without them but it is very hard. When you lose someone you love very much it is as if you have lost half of yourself. Best wishes

Comment by sis on February 17, 2019 at 10:39am

Thank you for sharing those beautiful words from the heart. I, too, will be experiencing my first year without my husband in March. This month was my first wedding anniversary without him, Feb.14, and I for one am exhausted from all the firsts this past year. My sisters and I will be getting together next month and will also toast our husbands. We all lost our husbands in the month of March, although theirs were 9 and 16 years ago. Hopefully it will be easier for me with them beside me. God Bless

© 2019   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service