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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This will be a short post.

I have never been a morning person, ever. I am definitely not one after husband passed.

Waking up in the morning is awful. Knowing I am not dead yet, and I wouldn't get any morning hugs and love text throughout the day, I found my days are harder to get by. Night time is better especially after I put baby to sleep. The thought of knowing I am a day closer to death makes me happier. The only guilty feeling I have is I have one less day spending time with my parents.

I'm only in my mid-30s. I can't imagine I will need to live like this for the next 20+ years. The fortune master I consulted told me I, most likely, would not live past 63-65. Glad to know I'm already more than half way done with my life, but it is still depressing to know I will have another 10500 days to live. Bearing the void of missing my husband for the rest of my life only intensify the excruciating pain I am having every day.  

Life seems too long for me to handle. How funny that a life I used to love and enjoy has now became a burden. Love could conquer all but it also kills everything. The day my husband died, he took my entire all away. As my mom told me one day in tears, "Not only I lost my son-in-law, my only daughter is dead as well." That's pathetic, but very true. I am simply a living dead. 

~The End~

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Comment by Kim on March 29, 2016 at 9:11pm
My husband has been gone for 11 weeks tomorrow. I hate living without him everyday. I don't do well waking in the morning and many times go back to bed within an hour of waking in the morning and stay there until 2 daily. Then I'm ready to go back to bed around 8 or 9. I work I gets three nights a week so that is the only time my schedule has any definition to it. I understand how you feel about not wanting to wake. I also agree that it doesn't seem possible to live another 20 years without my husbamd, my soul mate, my best friend.
Comment by KayeL on March 29, 2016 at 3:24pm
Deaf Widow, don't worry. It's ok since we don't know each other in person. You didn't offend me at all.
Comment by Ren on March 29, 2016 at 3:19pm

My husband died less the four months ago, and he too was the love of my life.  I miss him terribly, cry every day telling him so.  However, I can't let myself sit in this grief and sorrow, I need to walk through it.  I will not do it perfectly and I may have days when I don't want to go on, but I will.  I have found that it feels much better to look for the good, in my day, in my life, even with him gone.  I move forward for him, because I love him, and I know that he would want me to.  I loved my life too, and now I am the only one to do everything.   At this point, I can't say that I love my life (I used to say that all the time), however, I am grateful for the years I spent with him.  I am grateful for so many things in my life.  Right now, that will need to do, because it's a work in progress.

KayeL, Ours is not an easy path, I understand.  I wish you well.

Comment by KayeL on March 29, 2016 at 10:23am
I have never suffered depression. My life has been smooth and happy for the past 36 years. I used to coined as the happiest person.

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