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I wake up and I'm mad that he's not here still.

I talk to him like he's here and I think it's frustrating that he's not. I'm sick of the phone ringing. If one more person asks, how are you?... I'm gonna scream. How the heck do you think I am. My husband, my friend, my ace, my body heat in the bed, my lover, my friend, my other half is gone. So I don't answer the phone. I'm not trying to be rude, but I am. My heart hurt. My soul aches. I tried to eat the pain away...I made myself sick. I tried to sleep the pain away, but it's still here...strong as ever when I wake up. I'm even doing an audio diary for him. Everyday I wake up, I grab my digital recorder and talk to him. I tell him about the day before and everything he missed and stuff that I think he'd like to hear or want to know.

Nothing's good enough. It's not enough. I plan on strangling the next person to tell me he's in a better place. Forget that. He was already there and that place was here with me and our trio (the kids). I feel like nothing or no one will ever fill this void. People try to send comforting texts or emails or funny videos and most of the time it literally makes me want to throw my phone or laptop across the room. It's simply not fair. We weren't done. We had plans.


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Comment by Sheena on February 14, 2017 at 12:24pm
I feel like you are speaking from my heart. I lost my husband two weeks ago. I can't believe it. I can't accept it. He was only 31 and we have two little boys. When you say you still had plans, I can feel your pain. I am angry I can't live put life plans with my husband either. I am so sorry you have lost your husband. Reading this made me feel like someone on earth feels what I do.
Comment by Branbran36 on December 5, 2016 at 5:17pm

Sherry, you have me in tears over here.

I can feel your sincerity while reading your posts. Thank you so much!

(((HUGS))) to you too Sherry!

Comment by lowrsr (Sherry) on December 5, 2016 at 4:09pm

What a beautiful picture! I wish I had one like that with my better half. 

It is awful that there are so many plans that won't get done. I feel the same. Our guys were too young and we spent too little time with them. It wasn't enough. It isn't fair. It just isn't. And I hate it for you and for all of us. 

Many, many hugs and love coming your way.

Comment by Branbran36 on December 1, 2016 at 11:22am

Hugs to you Hope & RogueFour

Comment by Hope on November 30, 2016 at 5:18am

Branbran I am so sorry. I know the pain of missing him. Somehow we will get through and find ways to navigate life without them. Hugs

Comment by RogueFour on November 29, 2016 at 9:05pm

The dreaded "How are you?" Today was my first day back at work. I had a letter read at a staff meeting in my absence ... it said "Please don't ask me how I am. I am not OK. Save me the awkward conversation." This has helped me. People are just saying "I'm sorry." or "I'm glad to have you back." It keeps me from bawling all the time. 

I've only had one person say "He not suffering anymore." Um, he wasn't suffering? But lots of people have compared my grief to their divorce. I understand that's common. But it sucks.

Hugs to you. You are not alone. I have no children, just the dog, and an empty house.

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