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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

This is my first blog effort.  Maybe not so eloquent as others....

I'm 7th months out from the loss of my husband, but I want to share my first "jolt" that hit my head after he died.  My very first gut reaction was that the strength of widows/widowers is SO profound.  It was an instant mental hit.  They are SO strong.  They must be strong to survive this.  And my mind just reeled with how many I knew or have known over the years.  Those who have walked the walk for many many years - how do they do it?  What did they do to survive?  How do they do it?  

Thank goodness for the shock and numbness - which I didn't think I was really experiencing in the early days, weeks and months.  I was going through motions.  Finishing up an incomplete job, meeting the needs of others, pushing through the legal and paperwork of the initial stages.   I didn't know I was numb, I thought I was "in it" and doing what had to be done.  Indeed, I was in it.  But looking back, I see also the cocoon of numbness I was in.  And the exhaustion from driving myself through those stages.  I felt the exhaustion was a cocoon of rest from God.  I rested often in that cocoon.

It does take such strength to continue on.  And it will continue to do so.  All of our stories demonstrate this ongoing strength, even though we don't feel so strong.  Marching on....

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Comment by Suz on February 23, 2013 at 6:01am

Pat,Sometimes I find myself angry at non-widowed friends because they just don't understand how hard this journey is. Last week I commented to several of them that I head from several widowed friends that the second year is often harder because the numbness is wearing off. They were astounded. I got the feeling that they thought I was seeking "excess" sympathy. Now that I am at the point of the first year and I know that, at least, the END of the first year is extremely hard for me. It has taken all the strength I have and then some. I have spent the year, rebuilding my house from the foundation up, physically and metaphorically. Everything fell apart. Now that is basically done, I have only the day-to-day task to attend to (Taxes!) and I am frozen by the raw reality that is hitting me. I, too, think of widows I have known, particularly one especially dear one, our friend, Izzie, who was always laughing and was so much fun. I found out later how terribly lonely she was. My twenty-five year old mind was devastated and embarrassed that I never knew. Now I am part of the same sisterhood and know that she probably felt that deep sadness at the end of the day, when her beloved, Ralph, never again walked in the door again.

You are strong. I know you did things that you never thought you would be able to do. I am learning to see myself as strong, as well. We are surrounded by many men and women are also strong and we must be strong if we are going to create a new life for ourselves. Together we are marching on...

Thank you for your eloquent first blog.

Hugs,

Suz 

Comment by Tommi on February 23, 2013 at 5:36am

I hope you blog again Pat because you hit the nail right on the head.  Hugs to you!!!!!

T

Comment by Joyce on February 23, 2013 at 5:06am

In my opinion your first blog is very eloquent and nicely written.  I heard a quote this week " You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have".

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